Maxi Predacon and the Holy Grail
by Cougar3546
Summary: A friend of mine and I are bored during Spring Break. So, we write a spoof of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, using our favorite warriors! Now, read as they search for the sacred Holy Grail, and how evil and cruel we are. ^-^


Maxi Predacon and the Holy Grail  
A spoof from Monty Python using the Beast Warriors!  
One of my friends, Featherdust, and I wrote this together, and we basically switch on and off with who is writing. And I start off!  
Oh, and the sections that tell what is going on in the "real" world is the world from my other series, just so I don't confuse you.  
(P.S.) The first person writing is me! ^-^  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spring Break: 2002.  
They're bored out of their minds.  
Just after watching some movies, Featherdust and Cougar were in Cougar's room, and they were reading fan fiction. Still bored.  
"Now what?" Cougar asked.  
"I dunno," Featherdust said. "How about we write something?"  
Opening Microsoft Works, they stared at the blank page.  
"Okay, what do we write?" Cougar asked.  
Well, sitting on her desk, next to them, is the DVD of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Looking at it, they both smiled evilly.  
"Are you thinking, what I'm thinking?" she asked.  
"This should be fun!"  
  
93 squared A.D.  
  
It was early in the morning, and the fog hasn't risen yet from the ground. There is a clapping sound, like a horses hooves. Coming up the dirt road, was King Megatron of Predilot, galloping, like he's riding a horse. Behind him, was his loyal, (exaggerate "loyal"), servent, Inferno, who was clapping two empty coconut halves together to make it sound like a horse galloping.  
They gallop up to a castle, and stop.  
"Hello?!" Megatron yelled. "Is anybody there?!"  
Scorponok, the knight at the castle, peered over the castle wall to them.  
"Yes, who goes there?!" he yelled back down.  
"It is I, Megatron, King of Cybertron," Megatron declared. "An this is my loyal servent, Inferno!" Inferno bowed his head in greeting. "We have traveled over many distances to come to this castle, and speak with your lord about joining my knights of the square table."  
"What's so special about a square table?" Scorponok asked.  
"Do not question me! I demand to see your lord at once!"  
Scorponok looked over at Inferno. "Where's your horse?"  
"I am riding it!" Megatron declared.  
"No you're not! You're using two coconut halves!"  
Inferno and Megatron both looked down at the coconuts, and up to Scorponok.  
"So?!" Megatron asked.  
"Where did you find coconuts in Cybertron?!"  
"On the side of the road."  
"Coconuts aren't native to Cybertron!"  
"How do you know?! Swallows aren't from Cybertron, yet you see them!" Megatron said in defense.  
Scorponok scratched his head. "So, you're saying...coconuts migrate?"  
"NO!"  
"But, you talk about sparrows coming from Africa, or if you're talking about the other ones, the European...wait! Do you think they CARRIED the coconuts here?!"  
Megatron looked at him, confused. "WHERE are you getting this FROM?!"  
"Well, also, depending on the air speed velocity of the swallows, the weight of the coconut, and the size of the swallow it-" BAM!  
Scorponok fell back into the castle, burned, and the wall he was standing over was scorched. Inferno put away his flamethrower.  
"Thank you, Inferno," Megatron said.  
"Your welcome, my Queen," Inferno said, and bowed.  
"I am NOT a QUEEN! I am a KING!"  
"But, you guard the colony, so, you must be a Queen!"  
Megatron debated on whether to shoot the ant or not, but he needed him to use the coconuts, so he decided against it.  
"Come, Inferno."  
"As you command, Royalty!"  
They both the galloped off into the distance.  
  
"This is sounding good so far!" Cougar said.  
"My turn!" Featherdust exclaimed, shoving Cougar over.  
"Fine! I'll just go get a Croissant Pocket or something." Cougar got up and left, leaving Featherdust to type in the next scene.  
  
"Bring out yer dead!!!! Bring out yer dead!!!" Quickstrike called as he rang a bell while some other Cybertronians pulled a wagon full of dead and rotting corpses.  
"YAH partners!! Where's yer dead? Bring out the dead!!"   
Quickstrike kept walking down the street as anonymous cybertronians hoisted their dead on the cart. "Bring out yer dead!!"  
Suddenly, a large monkey came down his stairs, trying his best to carry a huge rhino on his back.   
"Wait, wait!!" he called. "I've got a dead one!!!"  
Optimus stumbled down the stairs and fell, the dead Rhinox smushing him. Optimus struggled to his feet and dragged Rhinox to the cart. He walked passed a white tiger bot who was smashing a little cheetah bot against the wall.  
"MEROW! Ultra bad....MEROW!"  
"I've got one." Optimus said again.  
"Ok, hoist him up." Quickstrike said.  
"WAIT!" Rhinox suddenly yelled. "I'm not quite dead!!!"  
"Well, he's not dead." Quickstrike said.  
"Yes he is!!!" Optimus said.   
"No, actually I think I'm getting better!" said Rhinox.  
"If he says he's not dead, then I guess he's not." Quickstrike said.  
"Your very old and sick, Rhinox!!!! You will be dead soon!! Can't you please just take him?? Optimus pleaded.  
"As much as I want to, I can't."  
"He'll just be a couple minutes"  
"LALALALALA!! I'm better!!! I could run 10000 miles!! Lets go to the park!! Lalalala!! I feel WONDERFUL!!" Rhinox said, but Optimus paid no attention.  
"I have to go, a girl named Crazygurl up the road lost 87 gerbils today."  
"When will you be back?"  
"Oh in about 12 megacycles."  
"Please, will you do me a favor??"  
"I feel wonderful!! I'm happy!!! Lets go to- (SMACK). Rhinox immediately died. Quickstrike yanked his tail out of Rinox's head.   
"Thanks so much!" Optimus said.  
"Don't mention it!" Quickstrike said.  
Just then, there was a clop clop sound as Megatron, King of Cybertron, and his faithful servant, Inferno galloped past them down the street.   
"Whose that?" Quickstrike asked.  
"It must be a king" Optimus replied.  
"Why's that??"  
"He hasn't got slag all over him."  
King Megatron and loyal servant galloped along through the fields until they came across some Cybertronians.  
"Old woman??"  
"MAN!!" the Cybertronian called back. "I'm a man!!"  
"Man. Right then. I'm sorry, yessssss. Can you tell me who lives that castle over yonder?"  
The man pulls out the script. "Uhhh, my name is Depth Charge. I'm supposed to say my age but I'm not going to, but I'M NOT OLD!!!"  
"Depth Charge??? What are you doing here?? Megatron asked.  
"Evil authors!!! AND HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE ME FOR A WOMAN!!????" He screamed.  
"It's what the script said!! I didn't know that your name was Depth Charge or that you were him. Now who lives in that castle??"  
"I don't know, ask my wife.... On second thought, don't. I'll never live it down."  
"Who is your wife??"  
"Miss Rampage."  
Megatron and Inferno look over and see Rampage, in the mud, dressed in a woman's dress, muttering under his breath how much he hates his life. They both start laughing hysterically and Rampage gives them an evil look.  
"Right then" Megatron said. "Can you tell me who lives in that castle?"  
"Who are you?" demanded Rampage.  
"Well I am Megatron, King of Cybertron"  
"What's Cybertron??"  
"Well, we are on cyber ton, and I am your king!"  
"I didn't know we had a king!!!"   
"How come you are so stupid?"  
"Evil authors."  
"Ok, at any rate, I am your King, yessssss, who lives in the castle??"  
"Why should I tell you??? Your not my king!" Rampage screams. But then, Megatron zaps Rampage with his spark box and Rampage bends over in pain.  
"BOW TO ME YOU IGNORANT FILTH!!!"   
"NEVER, BARNEY!!!!"  
Megatron zaps him again and then Rampage reluctantly starts bowing to him. Meanwhile, Depth Charge is laughing hysterically. So hysterically that he falls on his back in the mud.  
"Now, for the last time, WHO LIVES IN THAT CASTLE?? WHO IS YOUR LORD???" Megatron demanded.  
"Nobody." Rampage replied.  
Just then, Featherdust ran out and viciously kicked Megatron in the shin. "You M***** F*****! Don't touch Rampage!!!!!" Then Featherdust disappeared.  
"Who the slag was that??" Megatron cried out, clutching his shin.  
"It was one of the authors." Rampage said. "I like that author!!"  
"What about the other one??"  
"She's the evil one. She even give her favorite character, Dinobot, a hard time!"  
"WHY DOES SHE LIKE DINOBOT????????"  
"Uhhh, I dunno."  
"Come forth Inferno, lets carry on."  
  
Cougar finished munching on the Croissant Pocket, licking the cheese off of her fingers, and takes a sip of her soda.  
"You know, Rampage and Depth Charge COULD make a cute couple," she said with an evil smile.  
Featherdust just glared at her, and punched her in the shoulder. "Meanie."  
"Yep! And it's my turn to type!"  
"Oooo! The Black Knight!"  
Cougar smiled as she cracked her fingers before placing them on the keyboard. "THIS is one of my favorite parts."  
  
King Megatron and his lackey Inferno galloped through a forest path. Further down the path, they come across a big fight.  
There were two knights, a green one, and a black one. The Black Knight was very skilled in his sword fighting technique. The Green Knight, to put it politely, was getting his butt whooped, big time.  
The Black Knight bashed the Green Knight in the back of the neck with his sword, and the green knight stumbled. The Green Knight tried to charge at the Black Knight, but the Black Knight threw his sword and it went through the opening on the Green Knight's helmet. Mech fluid began to spurt out of the helmet.  
"Why authorzz give Wazzpinator, er, Green Knight zlag job?" the Green Knight whined before dying. The Black Knight chuckled evilly before pulling the sword out of the fallen knight's helmet.  
"What a fool," Dinobot, er, the Black Knight said. "He died in honor." He looked up to see Megatron and Inferno coming towards him. "Slaggit."  
Dinobot stood his ground in front of the path as Megatron came up to him. Inferno waited by a tree while Megatron marched up to him.  
"I am supposed to say how wonderful your fighting technique is, but you're a traitor, so I won't," Megatron stated.  
"And I will not let you pass," Dinobot replied. "At least I am following the script."  
"Only because the author writing now is one of your fans!"  
"I have more fans than you, genius."  
Megatron was fuming, when Inferno came over, holding the script. He whispered something to him, and Megatron smiled.  
"So much for her being one of your fans."  
"What?"  
Megatron held up the script, and showed it to Dinobot. His eyes went wide.  
"I HAVE TO LOSE TO YOU?!" Dinobot screamed. "COUGAR! YOU ARE THE MOST EVIL B*TCH IN THE WORLD!"  
"Sorry," Cougar apologized, walking up to them. "But I needed SOMEONE to be the Black Knight!"  
Dinobot eyed her evilly as she disappeared. He shrugged and pulled out his sword.  
"Be that, I will still fight," Dinobot stated.  
"You have no choice anyway," Megatron told him, drawing his sword.  
So the fight began. It was clear from the start that if it was a normal fight, Dinobot would have won hands down. Unfortunately, due to the intervention of Cougar, he was being held back by the powerful force from the author. Megatron sliced off Dinobot's arm.  
Dinobot stood there, still holding his sword.  
"What are you doing?" Megatron asked.  
"I am still able to fight!" Dinobot exclaimed.  
"But your arm is on the ground!"  
Dinobot looked at it and raised an eyebrow. "So? It is a flesh wound."  
Megatron shook his head, and whacked off Dinobot's other arm.  
"There, you are defeated!" Megatron said, and tried to walk past Dinobot. Dinobot just did a kick and hit Megatron in the face.  
"Come on!" Dinobot said, still kicking him.  
"What?!" Megatron yelled. "GIVE IT UP!"  
"NEVER!"  
And with that, Megatron whacked off Dinobot's legs, leaving a bleeding head and torso on the ground. Megatron smiled at him.  
"Finished yet?" he asked.  
"NO!" Dinobot, whose helmet was knocked off earlier, tried to bite his ankles.  
Megatron rolled his eyes, and put his sword back in its holder. "Come, Inferno." Inferno obeyed, and they galloped off again, leaving the Dinobot torso there on the ground.  
Dinobot sighed, and looked at the limbs on the ground.  
"Perfect. Now what?!" he asked.  
"Don't worry," Cougar said reassuringly. "You'll appear again!"  
Dinobot sighed. "Hopefully without being sliced...Cougar?"  
"Yes?"  
"Could you PLEASE reattach my limbs?!"  
"No problem! Mr. Nice Guy!"  
The Alien friend of Cougar then came over, and picked up all of Dinobot, carrying him away.  
  
"Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiemm," the monks walking the streets chanted, and after they said that, they hit themselves on the forhead with a wooden board.  
"Pie Iesu domie, dona eis requiemm."  
WHACK!  
"Pie Iesu domie, dona eis requiemm."  
WHACK!  
The monk's chant was drowned out by the screams of the towns people. They were hollering and yelling, "We've got a witch!"  
They were dragging a femme, dressed as a witch, to the hanging stand.  
Tarantulas, wearing the ridiculous helmet with the little face guard, was about to release a white bird with a coconut attached to it by a string. He looked around, and promptly ate the bird, with the coconut.  
"Hey! You weren't supposed to eat the bird!" Cougar yelled at him.  
"Well, I was hungry!" Tarantulas screamed at her. "And WHY do I have to wear this ridiculous helmet?!"  
"That's what your character wore in the movie!"  
Tarantulas sighed, and threw the helmet away.  
"HEY! GO GET IT!" Cougar ordered. "We're on a low budget, and we can't go buying new helmets all the time!"  
Tarantulas shrugged. "Not my problem..."  
The townspeople then came over, still yelling about a witch. One of them stepped forward to Tarantulas.  
"We found a witch, may we burn her?!" he asked.  
Tarantulas looked at the witch, who was Blackaracnia with a tin on her head, ragged clothing, and a fake nose.  
"Yep, it's a witch!" Tarantulas said.  
"That's not in the script!" someone yelled.  
Tarantulas rolled his eyes, er, optics, er VISOR! (How, I don't know.) "Fine, fine. Bring her forward."  
They shoved Blackaracnia up the stairs to him, and she groans.  
"Great, my life depends on you..." she said.  
"Hahahaahee! Don't sweat it. I have to follow the script...okay. What makes you think she is a witch?" he asked the crowd.  
"She's dressed like one!" someone yelled.  
"An' she's got a big nose!" someone else said.  
Tarantulas rolled his eyes. "It's a false nose..."  
"She's got a wart!"  
"No I don't!" Blackaracnia said.  
"What other proof do you have?" Tarantulas asked.  
"She turned me into a newt!"  
"...a newt?"  
The man who said that looked at his feet, and then back up to him. "I got better..."  
"BURN HER!"  
The crowd started yelling again as Megatron and Inferno arrived. They stayed at a distance to watch what was going to happen.  
"Okay, let's think logically here," Tarantulas said. "What do you do with witches?"  
"BURN THEM!"  
"What ELSE do you burn?"  
The crowd was silent, and they all looked around.  
"MORE WITCHES!"  
"No," Tarantulas said.  
"Wood?" someone said.  
"Yeah. So, what are witches made of?"  
The crowd was silent again.  
Primus, I am dealing with morons..., Tarantulas thought.  
"Wood?" someone said.  
"Yes, so, how can you tell she is a witch?"  
More silence, and Tarantulas was getting impatient.  
"What does wood do in water?" he asked.  
"It floats!" someone said.  
"So, if she's made of wood, she would float!" Tarantulas said.  
"THROW HER INTO THE POND!"  
The crowd roared again, and Tarantulas would have LOVED to see Blackaracnia drown. Unfortunately, due to the fact that if he didn't follow the script, Cougar would write a fic between him and Blackaracnia, he had to quiet them down.  
"SHUT UP BEFORE I EAT YOU ALL!" he screamed.  
The crowd was immediately dead silent.  
"Thank you. Now, what also floats in water?"  
"Rocks!"  
"Lead!"  
"Churches!"  
"Gravy!"  
"Unicron!"  
"A DUCK, YOU IMBICILES!" Megatron screamed, and the crowd turned to him.  
"Yep, he's right," Tarantulas said.  
"So, if she weighs the same as a duck, then she would be made of wood!" someone said.  
"And therefore..." Tarantulas said.  
The crowd looked at each other, and Tarantulas was ready to scream.  
Which he did.  
"A WITCH!!" he screamed, jumping up and down. "A WITCH! SHE WOULD BE A WITCH!!!"  
"Oh..." the crowd said, and they began yelling again.  
"Come on," Tarantulas said, bringing them over to a large scale.  
On one end of the scale was Blackaracnia. On the other end, was a duck. She would've weighed more than the duck, if Tarantulas didn't tie weights to the duck's feet.  
"A WITCH!" everyone screamed when the weighing was done.  
"This was an unfair trial," Blackarania said as she was being led away by the crowd. Tarantulas walked over to Megatron.  
"Gee, how did you know to say a duck?" Tarantulas said sarcastically. "Could it be because it was in the script?!"  
"Shut up, spider, yessssss!" Megatron said. "I am King Megatron of Cybertron!"  
Tarantulas groaned. "I am NOT bowing to you!"  
Someone cleared their throat, and they looked behind them. Mr. Nice Guy was standing there, arms crossed, glaring at them.  
Tarantulas swallowed hard, and kneeled down to Megatron.  
"Blah blah blah, what do you want?" he asked.  
"I want you to join my knights of the square table!"  
"Why square?"  
"The authors don't want to get sued for using "round" table."  
"Oh, well, fine."  
"Then I dub you," Megatron said, pulling out his sword. "Sir Tarantulas, knight of the round table." After touching his shoulders with the sword, he whacked Tarantulas in the head with it.  
"OW!" Tarantulas yelled, holding his head.  
"Should've kept your helmet," Cougar said.  
"I like that part you added in at the last minute, yesssss," Megatron said.  
  
There was a knock on Cougar's bedroom door.  
"Who is it?" Featherdust asked.  
"Can we come in?"  
"No, Rampage! Don't come in!"  
"But you made me a WOMAN!"  
"AND YOU SLICED ME UP!" Dinobot screamed.  
"Too bad!" Cougar said, checking to see if the door was locked, which it was.  
"Don't even think about blasting the door!" Featherdust said.  
"WHY NOT?!" Rampage loaded his missile launcher.  
"Because Mr. Nice Guy might pay you a visit!"  
"...slaggit," they both said.  
"Good, now, my turn!" Featherdust said.  
  
So as the story goes, Sir Tarantulas was the first to join King Megatron's Knights. But more joined in as time went on. Sir Dinobot, the Brave, Sir Rattrap the Pure and Sir Terrorsaur, who was not so brave as Dinobot, who nearly fought the Dragon at Agnor, who nearly defeated the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who has wet his skid plate at the Battle of Badon Hill. And also, Sir Transmutate-who-is-not-appearing-in-this-fic. And they would be known throughout the centuries as the Knights of the Square Table.  
"HEY!!!" Terrorsaur cried out. "How come I have to be the wimpy one??"  
"Don't complain" Featherdust said, "You get a cool theme song!!!!"  
"Do I wanna know??"  
"Oh you'll find out!!"  
"Hey, and how come I'm Pure??" Rattrap put in.  
"You should be pure, because you don't have any girls!!"  
"What do you mean?? YES I DO!!!!"  
"None you didn't pay for!!!" Dinobot exclaimed. He examined all his limbs and flexed. "Ahh nice muscled limbs!!!!"  
"WILL YOU GUYS GET ON WITH THE STUPID FIC!!???????" Featherdust screamed at them.  
"The fic, oh right." Rattrap said.  
"LOOK!" King Megatron exclaimed. "We're at Preidlot!!"  
"PREDILOT!" Sir Rattrap said.  
"PREDILOT!" Sir Dinobot said.  
"Its only a model!" Inferno exclaimed.  
"HEY!! We're on a cheap budget people!"  
"Come forth, lets go to Predilot!!"   
(Cue the cheesy music and the stupid tap dancing knights)  
KNIGHTS: [singing]  
We're Knights of the Square Table.  
We dance whene'er we're able.  
We do routines and chorus scenes  
With footwork impeccable.  
We dine well here in Predilot.  
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.  
  
[dancing]  
We're Knights of the Square Table.  
Our shows are formidable,  
But many times we're given rhymes  
That are quite unsingable.  
We're opera mad in Predilot.  
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.  
  
[in dungeon]  
PRISONER: [clap clap clap clap]  
[in medieval hall]  
KNIGHTS: [tap-dancing]  
In war we're tough and able,  
Quite indefatigable.  
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.  
It's a busy life in Predilot.  
MAN: I have to push the pram a lot.  
  
"On second thought, lets not go to Predilot. Those guys scare me!!" King Megatron exclaimed.  
So King Megatron and his Knights got on their "horses" and rode off.  
  
Dinobot wasn't as mad as before now that he is Sir Lancelot, but he was still mad.  
Featherdust smiled as she finished the last sentence.  
"Do you think we're torturing them too much?" she asked Cougar.  
"Nah, not enough!" Cougar said. "My turn!"  
  
The Knights of the Square table were now galloping over a hill, when there was thunder.  
"Megatron, Megatron! King of the Cybertronians!"  
Using the cheap special effects, the clouds opened up like a sliding glass door to reveal...  
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!! IT'S TRANSMETAL OPTIMUS!!!!" Sir Rattrap screamed.  
"RETREAT!!" Sir Dinobot yelled. He grabbed Terrorsaur as he ran by, but slipped a little in the puddle below Terrorsaur's feet.  
"GET BACK THERE!" Cougar screamed. None of them listened. "Slag...MR. NICE GUY!"  
Mr. Nice Guy jumped in front of them and roared. He slashed at them, and they ran back to the spot they were at before.  
"I AM NOT BOWING TO THAT THING!" King Megatron yelled.  
Mr. Nice Guy kicked King Megatron on the back on his knees, making him fall. Everyone sighed and bowed down to the Ugly Michael Jackson Look-Alike.  
"Don't bow to me, I can't stand it!" Optimus said.  
"How can you not stand it if you don't get bowed to anyway?" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"SHUT UP RATTRAP!"  
Everyone got up and shielded their eyes from him.  
"Stop shielding your eyes!" Optimus said.  
"But, we'd be blinded if we looked at your uuuuuuuugliness!" Tarantulas said.  
Mr. Nice Guy growled at them, and they looked at Optimus. Terrorsaur passed out from fear. After reviving him, Optimus spoke again.  
"Okay, now, King Megatron, and the Knights of the Square Table. I have a quest for you! You must seek for me, the Holy Grail!"  
Optimus's face was replaced by a picture of the Holy Grail. Everyone was relieved.  
"Dat's it?! It looks like a cup from an antique store!" Sir Rattrap said.  
"SILENCE RATTRAP! Now, go forth, and seek the Holy Grail!" Optimus commanded.  
The clouds then shut, on Optimus's fingers.  
"OW!" The doors opened a tiny bit, and after he moved his fingers, they closed again.  
"Slag, now we have to do this stupid quest?!" Sir Tarantulas yelled.  
"Well, if you don't..." Cougar said, and Mr. Nice Guy smiled.  
"Okay, so, let's get goin'!" Sir Rattrap said.  
"Um, Cougar?" Sir Terrorsaur asked.  
"What?"  
"C-can we have REAL horses, not coconuts?"  
"No."  
"Why not?!"  
"Because, we can't afford horses, but we could afford coconuts, it was used in the movie, I'm allergic, and...I HATE HORSES! Good enough reason?"  
"Y-yes."  
The Knights of the Square Table then rode off to seek the Holy Grail.  
"Yeah, da Holy Cup-You-Can-Buy-At-Sam's."  
"SHUT UP, RATTRAP!"  
  
Now, there were many voices outside the bedroom door. Very angry voices.  
"WHAT DA SLAG ARE YAH DOIN' TAH US?!"  
"Wazzzpinator waz slagged!"  
"YOU MADE ME A WOMAN!"  
"AND I WAS MARRIED TO HIM!!"  
Featherdust and Cougar giggled as they swore, threatened, and complained to them. The only reason they didn't break down the door was because of their threat of Mr. Nice Guy hunting them down.  
"They don't seem to like what we're doing," Featherdust said. "It's only gonna get worse!"  
  
The gallant Knights of the Square Table and King Megatron rode on until they reached a castle.  
"HELLO???" Megatron called out. "Is there anyone up there??"  
"Allo!! Who is there??" said Scorponok, with a French accent.  
"Scorponok???!!! What are you doing here?? Weren't you at the other castle??"  
"So what?? This IS a low budget film. We need to use people more than once for different roles! Plus, I'm getting paid more!!"  
"Anyways, who is the leader of this castle??" Megatron asked.  
"The master of this castle is Guy de Loincloth!" Scorponok replied.  
"Go and ask him if he will provide us with food and shelter tonight, yesssssss, and if he does, he can join us on our quest for the HOLY GRAIL!!!!!!!!!!"  
"The WHAT??????"  
"The Holy Grail you ignorant fool!!!"  
"Ohhhhhhh the Holy Grail. Sorry, we already have one!!"  
"What???"  
"I believe he said that they already have one, genius." Sir Rattrap said.  
"I know what he said!!!" King Megatron said. "Will you show us the Holy Grail that you have inside your castle??"  
"NO OF COURSE NOT!!!!!" Scorponok replied.  
"Well why not??"  
"We don't allow Cybertronians to enter!!!"  
"Well what are you then??"  
"I'M FRENCH!!!!"  
"What the slag are you doing in Cybertron then???" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!"  
"Well," Megatron said, "If you don't show us your grail, then we will have to take this castle by force, yessssssss."  
"You don't frighten us, Cybertonian pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Megatron King, you and all your silly Cybertronian k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!" Scorponok said. He was tapping his helmet with his hands and making faces at them.  
"What a crazy bot!!!" Sir Rattrap exclaimed.  
"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"  
They all looked at him with blank faces.   
"What is he talking about?" Sir Rattrap whispered to Sir Dinobot.  
"I haven't the slightest idea."  
"Umm excuse me crazy dude, isn't there anyone else we can talk to??" Sir Rattrap said.  
"NO!!" Scorponok screamed back. Scorponok turned to the other guys hiding behind the wall. "Fetchez la vache"  
"What??" one of his comrades asked.  
"Fetchez la vache!!"  
"What??????" another one asked.  
"GET THE SLAGGIN' COWS!!!!"  
"Ohh......" they replied. The French guys went and got the cows. They put the cows in a catapult and launched them over the castle wall. The cow fell and landed on top of one unlucky, miscellaneous cybertronian.  
"CHARGE!!!" King Megatron yelled out.  
With that, the Knights of the Square Table ran towards the castle with their swords drawn. Various species of animals and birds bombarded them, all the while, the French taunting them.   
"We are overrun with all this livestock!!!!!" Sir Terrorsaur cried out in fear.  
"RETREAT!!!" King Megatron screamed to them. The Knights ran away, except for Sir Dinobot, who had to be dragged away.  
They ran down the hill and laid on the ground.  
"Those slaggin' French!!! I'll rip them apart!!!!!" Sir Dinobot cried out angrily.  
"Wait, wait" Sir Tarantulas said. "I think I have a plan."  
A little while later, Scorponok was keeping lookout when he heard lots of odd noises coming from the woods. There was some chopping, and sawing, and then there was a cat squealing in pain, and finally a chainsaw. Then something large came rolling out of the woods. It was a giant wooden spider. Scorponok was very curious and he summoned his comrades and they went down the castle doors.  
"What is it??" Scorponok asked.  
"I don't know, it looks like some kind of vicious insect!!!" someone said.  
"Hmm, I wonder who brought it...oh well. Lets bring it inside."  
Meanwhile, the Knights and the King were on the hill's ridge, watching.   
"Ok, now tell me, Sir Tarantulas, how is this going to work again?"  
"Well, Sir Rattrap, Sir Dinobot and I will wait until nightfall, and then jump out the spider and take the French by surprise!!!"  
"Umm, tell me again, who is jumping out of the spider??"  
"Uhh, Sir Rattrap, Sir Dinobot.....and myself....heh"   
They all gave each other looks that said, "how stupid can he get?"  
Just then, the spider came hurling over the castle wall and it hit that same unlucky, miscellaneous cybertronian that had previously been sacked by the cow.  
"AHHHHH!!! RUN AWAY!!! RETREAT!!!!" King Megatron cried out and the Knights retreated.  
  
Those voices behind the door kept on getting angrier and angrier...  
"WE WERE DEFEATED BY A STUPID WOODEN SPIDER?!" Dinobot yelled.  
"AND ALMOST SMASHED BY LIVESTOCK?!" Rattrap yelled.  
"I'm not surprised that Tarantulas forgot to get inside the spider."  
"Hehehehaa! This coming from Sir Terrorsaur the Not-So-Brave!"  
"...I...was...a...WOMAN!"  
".................."  
"Uh, Fish Boy is in shock from being married tah Rampage..."  
"Don't worry, Rampage!" Cougar yelled through the door. "You'll get a fun part!"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah!"  
Cougar walked back to her desk and silently thanked God that all of the other Beast Warriors were not in her dimension.  
This scene opens up in a forest, with Rhinox, dressed in a nice suit that was a size 56, wearing glasses.  
"At least I'm not dead," he said, relieved.  
He could hear Cougar chuckle a little.  
"...ah slag...oh well." He cleared his throat.  
"Action!" the director said.  
"Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Megatron. The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise, and Megatron became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Megatron, having consulted his closest knights, (which there are none), decided that they should separate and search for the Grail individually."  
A sound of something coming towards him was heard.  
"Now this is what they did: Dinobot-"  
"HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!"  
Rhinox turned to his left to see Rampage, in Tank Mode, heading towards him.  
"...Cougar, I hate you..."  
Rampage fired his missile launcher, and hit Rhinox in the neck, killing him. He then ran over Rhinox's limp body, and rode off, laughing maniacally.  
"RHINOX!"  
Rhinox's wife, Mrs. Primal, came running over to her dead husband.  
  
Rampage was practically dying of laughter.  
"I like that part!" he said when he stopped. "It won't make up for me being a woman, or Depth Charge's wife, but I like it!"  
"Poor Rhinox...he had to marry Optimus!"  
There was laughter outside the door, but Featherdust and Cougar weren't laughing.  
They were smiling.  
"Well, you'll hate us soon, because here comes Sir Terrorsaur's big part!" Featherdust said, getting to the keyboard.  
"NOOOOOOO!" Terrorsaur screamed.  
  
So the Knights went their separate ways to seek the Grail. Sir Terrosaur rode north to the forest of Ewing. Of course, his favorite minstrels were accompanying him. The lead singer was Cheetor.  
"Bravely bold Sir Terror rode forth from Predilot," Cheetor sang.  
"Why 'Terror'??" Sir Terrosaur asked.  
"Because Terrorsaur doesn't fit!!! Now don't interrupt my song again!!"   
"Sorry..."  
"He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Terror.  
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,  
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Terror!  
  
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,  
Or to have his optics gouged out and his elbows broken,  
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away  
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Terror!  
His head smashed in and his spark cut out  
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged  
And his nostrils raped and his skidplate burned off  
And his pen--"  
"Umm, that's enough singing for now Cheetor!!!! Look, there is danger ahead!!!!"  
And sure enough there was. They came across a huge three headed monster.  
"Halt!!!!!" The three headed beast cried out. "Who are you???"  
"He is brave Sir Terror..." Cheetor sang.  
"SHUT UP!!! Umm, I-I'm n-n-nobody really. J-just passing t-through."  
"I don't buy that!!" The head shouted.  
"Oh allright, I'm actually a Knight of the Square Table."  
"A Knight of the Square Table?"  
"Yes."  
"Well then I guess that we will have to kill you!!"  
The heads began arguing.  
"Shall I cut off his head??"  
"No I shall!!"  
"Come on now, lets be nice!!!"  
"Just let me cut his head off!!!"  
"Why don't I cut your head off??"  
"Yeah he should! I hate you!!!"  
"Well I hate you guys too! And you have really bad breath!!"  
"That's only because I don't brush my teeth!"  
"Hey I'm hungry you guys! Let's have tea!"  
"Tea?? At a time like this! We have to kill the knight!!"  
"Well lets kill him and then have tea"  
"Ok." they all said simultaneously.  
When they looked down, Sir Terrorsaur and his minstrels were gone.  
"Brave Sir Terror ran away." Cheetor sang out as they galloped through the woods.  
"NO I DIDN'T!!!"  
"Bravely ran away, away."  
"NO!!"  
"When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled."  
"I DID NO SUCH THING!"  
"Yes, brave Sir Terror turned about."  
"I DIDN'T!!"  
"And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet-"  
"NO!!! I DIDN'T!!"  
"He beat a very brave retreat."  
"YOU'RE LYING!!"  
"Bravest of the brave, Sir Terror."  
"I HATE YOU AUTHORS!!!!"  
  
Cougar and Featherdust were giggling as Terrorsaur was screaming about him not being a coward.  
"Yeah? Well, how about in that bar 5 years ago?!" Tarantulas asked him.  
"What about it?!" Terrorsaur demanded.  
"While we were fighting in there, you screamed like a girl and ran!"  
"I DIDN'T!"  
"Yes you did," Dinobot said.  
Cougar smiled as she took the keys, and then realized what part she had to do.  
"Oh no...Rattrap is gonna like this one..." she said to herself.  
"Does it involve femmes?" he asked hopefully.  
"Yes, lots of them."  
"WWWOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOOO!!!"  
"Ah crap..."  
  
It was raining and thundering, and Rattrap was running through the woods. He had lost his men, so he was on his own.  
As he climbed up over the hill, he saw a castle, and above it was a picture of the Holy Grail, glowing.  
"So, da stupid cup is in dere?! Can I just go buy one at Wal-Mart?!" he asked.  
"NO! GET TO THE CASTLE!" Cougar yelled. "Besides, you might like this part..."  
Rattrap sighed, and went running towards the castle. He went up to the door and pounded on it.  
"YO! ANYBODY! OPEN DA SLAGGIN' DOOR!"  
Nobody answered.  
"IN DA NAME OF KING MEGADORK, OPEN DA DOOR!"  
The door opened, and he fell in. The door closed behind him as he looked at it.  
"Hello," a sweet voice said.  
He looked up to see many femme Cybertronians dressed in white, looking at him. The leader was standing in front of him.  
"Oh slag, not you!"  
Rattrap had to blink a couple times.  
"WOLFERN?!" he asked.  
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Cougar couldn't use Airazor or Blackaracnia for this part. I'm the only original character in this fic."  
Rattrap looked at her and all the other femmes. He put his hand up in the air and mouthed "Thank you, Primus!"  
"Anyway...Welcome, Sir Knight! Welcome to the Castle Anthrax!" Wolfern said.  
"Anthrax?"  
"I know, the name sucks...but it was used in the movie, so we had to use it. So, anyway, we can give you shelter for the night."  
"Oh yeah!"  
"That's not in the script!"  
Sir Rattrap walked over to her and put his arms around her waist. "Too bad!"  
Wolfern took the torch and hit him in the forehead with it. He backed away.  
"Follow the slagging script!" she yelled. "Okay...Midget, Crapper!"  
Two young woman walked over to her. "Yes, Wolfern?"  
"Make our guest a bed."  
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, tha-"  
Wolfern chased them off with a stick, and walked back over to Sir Rattrap, helping him up.  
"You will be able to sleep nice," she said.  
"Wit you femmes here? I won't get dat much sleep!" Sir Rattrap said.  
Wolfern rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to ask about the Holy Grail, Mouse..."  
"Yeah yeah yeah, so, where's da Holy Cup-Dat-You-Can-Buy-Anywhere?"  
"...close enough...*ahem* The what?"  
"I saw it over da castle."  
"Oh, you must be very tiered," Wolfern said, dragging him to a bedroom. "Hey, you're wounded...oh well!"  
"Wolfern!" Cougar yelled.  
"Well, I don't care!"  
"Just follow the script!"  
"Fine...you must see our doctors!"  
She helped Sir Rattrap lay on the bed, and clapped her hands. Two young women came walking over.  
"Yes?" one asked. "What seems to be the trouble?"  
"De're doctors?" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"Well, they had a basic medical training..." Wolfern said.  
"Who cares?! De're femmes, and I like dat!"  
Wolfern sighed, and walked away. The two girls began to look at the wound, which was on the upper part of his thigh. They began to examine him. Sir Rattrap just smiles and puts his hands behind his head.  
"Rattrap," Cougar said.  
"What?" he asked.  
"You're supposed to hate them doing this, stop them, jump up, and look for the Holy Grail!"  
"Make me!"  
Mr. Nice Guy walked right into the room. The two girls run off, and Sir Rattrap glares at the Alien.  
"You suck, yah know dat?" he told the Alien. Mr. Nice Guy just hissed at him, and Sir Rattrap ran off.  
"I seek the Holy Grail," he repeated over and over in a monotone voice. "And fine femmes too!"  
He runs through these curtains, and into a room full with dozens and dozens of femmes.  
His jaws drops, and he drops his shield and sword. The women come walking over to him, saying "hello."  
"Primus, I musta died an' went straight tah heaven!!" he said with the biggest smile on his face. The women began to crowd around him, and he rubs his hands together.  
"Rattrap! Do what the script says!" Cougar said.  
Sir Rattrap then promptly took a quill pen, wrote down some other lines, and puts the pen back.  
"Okay!"  
Cougar just sighs, and shakes her head while she's at the computer.  
"Do you want to die?"  
"No," Sir Rattrap said.  
Mr. Nice Guy walks right in, and Sir Rattrap immediately grabs his sword and shield, and walks to a door. Wolfern gets in his way.  
"Hellooooo, Wolfern!" he said with a smile.  
"No, I am Wolfern's twin sister, um," She looks at the script. "Wolfy?!"  
"Cougar probably couldn't think of a better name."  
"Oh, oh well. Anyway..."  
"Right. Let me go through! I know the Holy Cheap-Cup is in dere! I saw it!"  
"Oh, no!" Wolfy said. "Bad Wolfern! Bad bad BAD Wolfern!"  
"What?!"  
"I am afraid you have been fooled! She must've lighted up our beacon again, which I remember, is Grail shaped."  
"...Oh, dat sucks..."  
"Bad Wolfern!" Wolfy looks at the camera. "Do you think this scene should be cut? I wasn't sure when the authors wanted to write this, but, now I am happy!"  
"At least ours was better visually," the left head of the three headed monster said.  
Rampage and Depth Charge are too busy fighting to say their lines.  
"Get on with it!" the old Rhino yells.  
"Yes, get on with it!" Tiger the Enchanter yells.  
"YES, GET ON WITH IT!" the army on knights yell.  
"SLAG YEAH!" Sir Rattrap said.  
"SHUT UP RATTRAP!" Transmetal Optimus yells from the clouds.  
Wolfy rolls her eyes at Sir Rattrap, and she leads him back to the room with the femmes.  
"Bad Wolfern..." she reads her script to remember her lines. "NO! I AM NOT SAYING THIS! FORGET IT!"  
"C'mon!" Sir Rattrap said. "Yah know yah have feelin's for me!"  
Wolfy sighs and throws the script over her shoulder. "Because of what Wolfern did, she must be punished!"  
Sir Rattrap smiles and raises an eyebrow. "Really? How?"  
"First, you must tie her to the bed," Wolfy said as Rattrap's eyes grew wider. "And spank her!"  
"Yes!" the femmes chanted.  
"After, do what you please with her, and...do I have to say it?"  
"Yes!" Cougar said.  
"Slag...after that, spank me!"  
"YEAH!" Sir Rattrap yelled.  
"AND ME!"  
"ME TOO!"  
"ME ME ME ME ME!!" All of the femmes chanted.  
(The next line can't be written due to parental controls. Hahaha!)  
Sir Rattrap smiles as the femmes all crowd around him, and he rubs his hands together.  
"Well, I guess I could stay for, oh...forever!" he said.  
Just then, Sir Dinobot and a couple other Cybertronians come charging in. Dinobot grabs Rattrap away from the group, and begins to drag him away from the femmes.  
"CHOPPERFACE!" Sir Rattrap screamed. "LET ME GO YAH OVERGROWN IGUANA!"  
"Do not think I am doing this for you, Rodent," Sir Dinobot said.  
"TAKE HIM AWAY!" Wolfy cried.  
"That is not what you were supposed to say," Sir Dinobot said.  
"So?...Oh fine! NO! LET HIM STAY!"  
"I can take dem all on!" Sir Rattrap said.  
"No, you can't!" Sir Dinobot said, dragging the rodent to the door.  
"YES! HE CAN TAKE US!" the femmes cried.  
The Knights then walked right through the doors...well all but one was walking. Sir Rattrap had dug his fingers into the ground, but was still being dragged away. The doors shut.  
"YES!" Wolfy cried.  
Mr. Nice Guy glared at her.  
"...um, I mean. Oh, slag!"  
"WHY DID YAH TAKE ME FROM DERE?!" Sir Rattrap screamed at Sir Dinobot.  
"One, it was in the script. Two, I would have hated to see you actually get something you want, Vermin," Sir Dinobot said to him.  
"Yeah, right. You just wanted in on da action!"  
"NO!"  
They began walking towards the woods.  
"Yeah right!"  
"I did not!"  
"No femmes? Yah must be gay."  
"I AM NOT!"  
(No offense to gay people. It was in Monty Python, so I had to write it.)  
  
Rattrap was practically drooling as the whole thing happened. He wasn't too happy when he had to be dragged away.  
"Dat...was...gonna be...da most slaggin' great experience EVER!" he said.  
"She probably had to pay those girls to do all those things," Dino2 said.  
"Actually, I just used all of Rattrap's fans," Cougar said through the door. "They did it willingly."  
"Surprising," Dinobot said.  
"Okay, my turn!" Featherdust said.  
  
Sir Dinobot had rescued Sir Rattrap from almost certain temptation, but they had still no found that Holy Grail. Anyways, on to scene 24!! One of the most exciting scenes in this fic, with acting that is worthy of an Oscar!! In this scene, King Megatron and Sir Tarantulas come across a very important clue, vital to finding the grail...   
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!" A deformed old Rhino laughed maniacally.  
"So, who is this enchanter that you are talking about, yessssss?" King Megatron asked him.  
"HHEEEEHAAAHHEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA"  
"You know, Tarantulas, he laughs a lot like you!"  
"Hey I laugh better!!!" Sir Tarantulas said back.  
"HAAAHAAAHEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAA!!!"  
"Where does this enchanter live?" King Megatron asked the old Rhino.  
"HAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAA!!'  
"I DEMAND YOU TELL ME WHERE HE LIVES!!"  
"There is a cave....HAHAHEE....a cave which no man has ever entered!!!!"  
"And the Grail? Is it there??"  
"Beyond the cave lies the gorge of eternal torture!! For in this gorge lies all the teletubbies!!!"  
"But what about the Holy Grail!???"  
"Then go to the *cue scary music*....BRIDGE OF DEATH!!!"   
"And this leads to the Grail????"  
"WAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHEEEEHAAA!!"  
With that, the old Rhino disappeared and Sir Tarantulas and King Megatron found themselves sitting in front of a fire in the woods.   
"Right then, lets carry on, yessssssss." King Megatron said.  
It wasn't long before they realized they were no longer alone. There were strange noises all around them and the suspense became unbearable!! There was intense, scary music, their sparks were pounding and they were sweating. Then all of a sudden....  
"NI!!!"  
"Ahhhh!!!!!!" King Megatron and Sir Tarantulas fell backwards screaming.  
"NNNNNIIIII!"  
"Who are you??" King Megatron asked.  
"We are the Knight who say... NI!!!!"  
"I heard that whoever crosses the Knights of 'Ni' seldom live" Sir Tarantulas whispers to King Megatron.  
"You know, why do we have to the Knights of 'Ni"??? I have some other words that I would rather use...like...YAH PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Quickstrike, the head Knight of Ni yelled out.  
"Stay in character, Quickstrike!!!" Featherdust yelled at him.  
"YAH PARTNER!!!"  
"Do you want me to send Mr. Nice Guy over there??"  
"Only Cougar can do that, partner!"  
"No, I got permission!!!!"  
"ARGH....Fine!"  
"Ok, but the next time you go out of character...."  
"Alright, alright!! We are the keepers of the sacred words 'ni', 'peng' and nee-wom'!"  
"Well we are just simple travelers, and we need to get through this forest." King Megatron said.  
"The Knights of Ni demand a sacrifice before you can go through!!"  
"We will do no such thing!!"  
"NNNNNNNIIIIIIIII" all the Knights chanted over and over.  
"AHHHHH!! Stop!! Stop!!! We will do as you please!! What do you want???"  
"We want.....*cue very very scary music*.... A SHRUBBERY!!!"  
"A shrubbery??"  
"NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"  
"Ok, ok, we will bring you a shrubbery!!"  
"Make sure it looks nice, and isn't too expensive!!"  
"Ok, ok, we will make sure!"  
"NOW GO!!!"  
  
"A shrubbery?! We have to look for a shrubbery?!"  
"It's what da script says."  
"I HATE PLANTS!"  
"Um, is Depth Charge okay?"  
"-------------*Unit Depth Charge off-line*----"  
"I think he went intah shock!"  
"That means we're succeeding!" Featherdust said.  
"Now, on with the fic!" Cougar declared.  
  
At a Swamp Castle, there was a ceremony going on, but someone doesn't like it...  
"One day, lad, all of this will be yours," the Father, Optimus, said, pointing out the window towards the horizon.  
"What, the curtains?" Prince Cheetor asked.  
"No, no, no. The land, and the castle!"  
"B-but Mother..."  
"Uh, Father, Cheetor."  
"But Father, I don't want any of that! And this headband itches!" Prince Cheetor said while scratching his head where the "gold" headband was. "Why can't you get a real gold headband and spare me from using this gold painted tin foil one?!"  
"Cheap Budget, Cheetor," Optimus explained. "Anyway, you will get all of this! I built this kingdom up from nothing! Everyone said I couldn't build this castle on a swamp! So, I built one...it sank into the swamp. I built a second one...it sank as well. The third one was overrun by Sharkticons, has Insecticon infestations, burned, and THEN sank into the swamp. The fourth one, though, stood, and you are gonna get this castle! You will marry Princess Airazor, so we can get the huge tracks of land that her father owns!"  
"But, I don't want to marry her!"   
"Why not?! She's beautiful, she's rich, she has huge...er, small, tracks of "land"."  
"But, I don't want any of that."  
"WHY NOT?!"  
"I'd rather have a girl who has...who has...*cue music* a special, something!"  
Optimus ran right in front of Cheetor, waving his arms.  
"Stop the music! No singing in my castle!"  
The music abruptly stopped, and Optimus grabbed Cheetor by the neck.  
"You WILL marry Airazor, if you like it or not!"  
Optimus put down Cheetor, and walked to the door. Two guards, Silverbolt, and hiccupping Waspinator, were standing there, holding their spears, with flowers on them.  
"Okay, Guards! Make sure he doesn't leave the room until I come and get him," he ordered.  
"Right. The Prince doesn't leave the room, even if you come and get him!" Silverbolt said and Waspinator hiccupped.  
"No, no, no. UNTIL I come and get him," Optimus corrected.  
"Until you come and get him, we are not to enter the room."  
"*hic*!"  
"No, no," Optimus corrected again. "You stay here, and keep him from leaving the room."  
"Until you come and get him?" Silverbolt asked.  
"Right."  
"buzz *hic*!"  
"We don't need to do anything but stop him from entering the room!" Silverbolt declared.  
"No, LEAVING the room," Optimus corrected, getting frustrated.  
"Leaving the room?"  
"Yes, right."  
Optimus went to leave.  
"Oh, if uhh, if if, uhhh, he, uh...."  
"What?" he asked Silverbolt.  
"Uh, if, uhh..."  
"Look, it's quite simple," he began to explain. "You, make sure, he, doesn't leave the room, until I come and get him. All right?"  
"*hic* buzz."  
"Right!"  
"Oh, we'll keep him in here, but if we had to leave, could he be with us?"  
"No! Just, keep him in here."  
"Until you or anyone else-"  
"Just me."  
"Just you, come and get him."  
"Right!"  
"Right. We'll stay here, until you get back."  
"*hic* buzz." Poor Waspinator...  
"And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave," Optimus reminded them.  
"Right!" Silverbolt said, saluting.  
"*hic*!" Waspinator said as he saluted too.  
"Good, make sure he doesn't leave."  
"The Prince?" Silverbolt asked, confused.  
"Yes!"  
"Ohhhhh, I thought you meant him," Silverbolt said, pointing to Waspinator. "I thought it was kind of strange I had to guard a guard."  
"Keep the Prince in here! Got it?"  
"Got it!"  
"Good."  
Optimus went to walk out of the door, and Silverbolt and Waspinator began to follow. He stopped and turned to them.  
"What are you doing?" he asked.  
"We're coming with you!" Silverbolt said.  
"No, no. I want you to stay here, and make he doesn't leave."  
"Right!"  
"Right."  
The two guards returned to their posts.  
"But father!" Prince Cheetor wailed.  
"But nothing!" Optimus said. "Put your suit on!"  
Optimus left. Prince Cheetor turned to the window, and as the music began to play, Optimus came running in again.  
"AND NO SINGING!" he yelled.  
"*hic*!"  
"Oh, and go get a glass of energon," he told Waspinator.  
When he left, Prince Cheetor looked around the room. Silverbolt and Waspinator were staring straight at him with goofy grins on their faces.  
The Prince smiled weakly, and got out a pen and paper. He wrote something on it, and tied it to an arrow. The two guards still smiled as the Prince grabbed his bow. He shot the arrow out the window with the note attached.  
The guards continued grinning. Empty-brained smiles...  
Meanwhile, by a nearby stream...  
No one was there.  
*ahem* Meanwhile, by a nearby stream...  
Nobody.  
"DINOBOT! GET OUT HERE!" Cougar ordered.  
"NO! I REFUSE!" he yelled at her.  
"C'mon! Please?!"  
"No! I refuse to gallop!"  
"...you get to kill people in this scene!"  
"No, it is against my honor to kill innocent people!"  
"Is it against your honor to do so in order to save someone?"  
"...no..."  
"Then get moving! Or Mr. Nice Guy will have some roasted raptor for lunch..."  
Sir Dinobot nodded, and began galloping, with his little assistant, Candycorn.  
"Candycorn?"  
"I'm not gonna use Concorde from the movie. Copyright issues."  
"Oh."  
Okay, to start this scene again...Meanwhile, by a nearby stream, Sir Dinobot and his assistant Candycorn were galloping through the woods. Before they could cross the stream, an arrow hit Candycorn in the chest.  
"Message for you, Sir," he said, and fell.  
Sir Dinobot shrugged. "No more galloping for me."  
"Read the note!" Cougar ordered.  
"Fine!" Sir Dinobot bent over and untied the note. "To whomever finds this, I have been imprisoned by my father, and must marry against my will. Save me. I am in the tallest tower of Swamp Castle..." he said as he read it aloud. "Too bad for him."  
"Just go by the script!"  
"Alright! This could be my chance to prove myself, and some other slag like that...Candycorn did not die in vain..."  
"I-I think I'm all right, Sir!" Candycorn said.  
"...Well, then you were not mortally wounded in vain..."  
"I-I think I might pull through, Sir-ACK!"  
Sir Dinobot grinned evilly as he pulled his sword from Candycorn's chest.  
"No you are not."  
"DINOBOT!" Cougar screamed.  
"What?!"  
"...never mind, just, go rescue that person, and I'll revive Candycorn..."  
Sir Dinobot sighed, and drew his sword. He ran off as some random Cybertronians come to heal the dead Candycorn.  
At the castle, everyone is celebrating the wedding. Airazor is being all dressed up by some of her royal servants.  
"This dress is too tight!" she whined.  
Shut up! There are people dancing, singing, and eating all of these foods that were cooked to perfection!  
"Cougar, you got Big Macs for everyone..." Airazor stated.  
"The budget could only afford that!" Cougar explained.  
"We didn't even get any fries!"  
"SILENCE, MINION!"  
"...okay..."  
Anyway! People were entering the castle, and in the distance, two guards could see Sir Dinobot running towards the castle. It took him awhile, but he made it. He stabbed one of the guards, while the other one just looked on as he ran off.  
Sir Dinobot crashed right into the party. He began slashing any person that was in his path. Blood, er, Mech Fluid was spurting everywhere.  
"It's just paint!" Sir Dinobot complained.  
"Sorry, again, the cheap budget," Cougar said.  
Now, Sir Dinobot had already taken out many people, and the Mech Fluid stop spreading due to the special effects guys running out of paint.  
Sir Dinobot entered the room of the tallest tower. He stabbed Waspinator, and as Silverbolt jabbered on about if the Prince could leave the room, he killed him too. He saw Prince Cheetor, and groaned.  
"I went through all of this to rescue HIM?!" he asked.  
"You came to rescue me!" Prince Cheetor said, hugging Dinobot.  
"I am not below stabbing you, cat."  
"Oh, sorry..." the Prince said, letting go of him. "I knew it! I knew somewhere out there, *cue music* There was a special, someone..."  
Optimus came barging into the room, waving his arms. "Alright, stop that! Stop that!"  
The music abruptly stopped again, and he looked at Sir Dinobot.  
"Who are you?" he asked.  
"I, um, nobody. I found this note..." Sir Dinobot began to explain.  
"He came to rescue me!" Prince Cheetor yelled.  
"Quiet!" Optimus ordered. "Where are you from?"  
"Predilot. I am a Knight of the Square Table," Sir Dinobot explained.  
"You're a Knight of the Square Table?!"  
"Er, yes."  
"I've already made a rope!" Prince Cheetor said as he tied the rope of sheets to a bed post. The two bots ignored him as he flung it out the window and climbed out.  
"What is your name?" Optimus asked.  
"Sir Dinobot."  
"Well, for one thing, I am not too pleased with you killing our guests, but, I am honored to see a Knight of the Square Table in my castle."  
"I'm ready!" Prince Cheetor said, hanging on the rope just outside the window.  
"Would you like to come have a drink?" Optimus asked Sir Dinobot.  
"I guess," Sir Dinobot said.  
"I'M READY!" Prince Cheetor yelled.  
Sir Dinobot just rolled his optics, took out his sword, and sliced the rope. As the two bots walked down the stairs, Prince Cheetor plunged to his death.  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHhhh...*thud*."  
As Optimus led Sir Dinobot down the stairs, the guests were weeping over loss of some bots.  
"THERE HE IS!" one cried angrily.  
As they charged up at Sir Dinobot, he drew his sword and began slashing at them. Optimus parted the two warring groups.  
"Don't kill anymore," Optimus said. "The effects guys ran out of paint."  
"Slag."  
"Oh well. Ladies and Gentleman, let's not get angry! We had a misunderstanding and some other slag. So, let's just get on with the ceremony. However, my son, Prince Cheetor, has plunged to his death."  
"YAY!" the crowd cheered.  
"NO!" Cougar yelled.  
"OH NO!" the crowd yelled.  
"Better..."  
"Anyway," Optimus said. "Since Airazor's father has been killed..."  
"He's not dead!" someone yelled.  
"...Since her father was mortally wounded-"  
"He might pull through!"  
"...Fine, if for any reason, he should die-"  
"Wait! He's dead!"  
"...Then I will be to Airazor, a legally binding, Father to her."  
Airazor fainted dead away.  
Candycorn, who is not magically revived, walks right into the room.  
"Where's Cheetor?" Cougar asked.  
"Um, I know I was supposed to catch him, but, I came too late," Candycorn explained.  
"Oh, oh well."  
"Wait! He's alive!" someone yelled.  
Prince Cheetor came walking into the room, all banged up, but still alive.  
"HOW DID YOU LIVE?!" Optimus asked.  
"Well, I'll tell you..." Prince Cheetor said.  
The music begins to play, and the guests start singing.  
"NO! NOT LIKE THAT! NOT LIKE THAT!" Optimus yelled.  
"Let's get out of here, Sir!" Candycorn said.  
Now, totally disobeying the script, Sir Dinobot and Candycorn just run out of there while Optimus is screaming threats at Cheetor if he didn't stop singing.  
"Wait a minute!" Sir Dinobot said. "Wasn't there a part in the movie where Optimus is supposed to say that I will marry Airazor? Not that I want to, but..."  
"I didn't put that part in there," Cougar explained.  
"Why?"  
"Personal reasons."  
"...ah slag..."  
  
Cougar giggled evilly as she got up from her spot at the computer.  
"WHY was my assistant named Candycorn?!" Dinobot demanded.  
"Because, I couldn't think of a better name for him," Cougar explained.  
"And now, back to King Megatron and Sir Tarantulas!" Featherdust said. "NI!"  
  
King Megatron and Sir Tarantulas rode along until they reached a small town. They saw an old spider bot.  
"HEY!" Blackaracnia screamed. "I'm not old!!! I'm young and beautiful and I could be a model..."  
"SHUT UP!!! You have to be an old hoagie!! I'm sorry!!" Featherdust said.  
"Can't I be young???"   
"Do you want me to send Mr. Nice Guy over there??"  
"Can I at least have better clothes?? These are full of insects....Wait! I'm hungry...never mind!!"  
"Just get on with the scene!!!"  
"Old woman!!" King Megatron yelled out to her.  
Blackaracnia looked up from her clothes and stopped eating everything in them. "What??"  
"Do you know where we could find a shrubbery?"  
Blackaracnia then defensively held up a battered Cheetor and started swinging him at them. She wasn't very good at aiming and she rammed him into some walls and sharp objects.  
"Who send you???" Blackaracnia demanded.  
"The Knights who say 'Ni'" King Megatron replied.  
"Hold on, Hold on!! Stop the scene!! How am I supposed to pretend I'm dying from hearing the word 'ni' when it has no value to me whatsoever???"  
Mr. Nice Guy then started to growl.  
"AGGGH!!! NO!! Never!! There are no shrubberies here!!" Blackarania screamed out.   
"See Blackaracnia, you can be a pretty good actress with some motivation." Featherdust said.  
"ANYWAYS" King Megatron said, "Old woman, if you do not tell us where we can find shrubberies, my *cough, cough* 'friend' and I will have to say.......NI!!"  
"Aggghh!!!! NO!! NO SHRUBBERIES!!!"  
"Ok, if you refuse to assist us voluntarily, then....NI!!"  
"DO YOUR WORST!!!"  
"NI! NI"  
"NU!!" Sir Tarantulas yelled. "Hey, wait, I thought it was ni!! There must be a typo in the script."  
"You are supposed to say nu, Tarantulas! Just keep reading the script." Featherdust told him.  
He read down a few more lines.  
"Hey, how come I'm supposed to be stupid all the time??"  
"Because your character was stupid!! If you can't handle the acting by yourself, I'm sure Mr. Nice Guy can give you a few pointers..."  
"OK, OK!! *sighs* NUUU!!!"  
"NII! Nii!!" King Megatron said.  
"ARRGGGGGGGGH!!! No shrubberies!! NEVER!!" Blackaracnia cried out.  
"NUU!!" Sir Tarantulas said.  
"No, no!! It's 'ni'" King Megatron told Sir Tarantulas.  
"NNNNUUUU!"  
"No!! You're not doing it properly!! Its NIIIII!!!"  
"NU!! NNNN-III!!"  
"NI" King Megatron and Sir Tarantulas said simultaneously.  
"There now you've got it! Took you long enough!!" King Megatron told him.  
"SHUT UP!!"  
"YOU SHUT UP!!"  
Mr. Nice Guy growled.  
"NI!!"  
"NIII!"  
"NIIIIIII"  
Blackaracnia was on the ground, moaning inhuman sounds and gasping, when another voice cut in.  
"What are you doing?? Are you saying 'ni' to that old hag?" Depth Charge asked.  
"Uhhh...yessssssssssssssss." King Megatron answered.  
"Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history." Depth Charge said in a monotone voice as he read the lines from the script.  
"Did you say something about a shrubbery, fish boy??"   
"Yes I did. I am a shrubber. D.C the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies."  
Tarantulas looked as his script and sighed. "I have to act stupid again???"  
Mr. Nice Guy started to advance towards him.  
"NI!!!!" Sir Tarantulas cried out excitedly.  
"No, NO!! You incompetent fool!!!! Do not utter the words 'ni' at the shrubber!!! AGGGGHHH!!" King Megatron cried out.  
King Megatron and Sir Tarantulas went and got their shrubbery and then brought it back to the Knights of Ni.  
"Here is your shrubbery." King Megatron said. "Now let us go!"  
"Yes, it is a very nice shrubbery, partner, but there is a small problem! We are no longer the Knights who say Ni. We are now the Knights who say ...."  
Quickstrike looks at his script.  
"Ecky-Ecky,-uhhhhh...YAH PARDNER!!!"  
"I'm not going to say a word. I give up!" Featherdust said.  
"So," Quickstrike continued, "We must give y'all a test!"  
"Knights who say...uh...Yah Pardner, what is this test??"  
"You must find us...ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!! *dramatic music*"  
"Not another shrubbery, nooooooooo"   
"Yes another shrubbery! And you must put it slightly higher than this one, so we get the two level effect. And also, there should be a path down the middle!!"  
"A path!! A path!! A path!!" The Knights who so recently said Ni screamed out.  
"And after you do that, you have to cut down the largest tree in the forest....WITH A HERRING!!!! *scary music*"  
"NO!!!" King Megatron cried out. "It can't be done!!! Featherdust!!!!!! You're not going to make us do that!! It's impossible, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!"  
Meanwhile, while King Megatron was complaining to Featherdust about this hopeless task, Sir Tarantulas took the herring from Quickstrike and ate it. King Megatron got a very relieved look on his face. Quickstrike was totally dumbfounded and they all kind of stood there staring at each other until...  
"Hey look!! It's Sir Terrorsaur!!" Sir Tarantulas said.  
The Knights of Ni started to go crazy and they cried out and groaned after Sir Tarantulas said this.  
"He is packing it in and packing it up, and sneaking away and buggering up, and chickening out and p*ssing off home. Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge," the minstrel Cheetor sang.  
"Sir Terrorsaur!!" King Megatron called out to him. "What the slag are you doing here??"  
"I don't know!! I was just walking through the forest...and here you are!! It's *ahem* good to see you."  
"AHHHH!! He's saying the word!!" The Knights of Ni cried out.  
"You're not giving up your quest for the Holy Grail are you?" King Megatron asked Sir Terrorsaur.  
"He's sneaking away and buggering up-" Cheetor the minstrel sang.  
"SHUT UP YOU STUPID CAT!!! Umm, no of course I have not given up. Far from it."  
"AHHH HE HAS SAID THE WORD AGAIN!!!" The Knights of Ni cried out.  
"What is this word you speak of?" King Megatron asked.  
"We cannot say this word!! The Knights of Ni cannot hear this word!!!"  
"Umm...o...k. Anyways. I have been looking for it." Sir Terrorsaur said.  
"AHHHHH AHHHHH!!!!" The Knights of Ni screamed.  
"I've been looking for it here in this forest." Sir Terrorsaur continued.  
"AHHH!!! "  
"No, Sir Terrorsaur, it-"  
"AAUUUUGGGGGGG!!!"  
"-Is far from this place" King Megatron finished.  
"STOP!! Stop saying the word!!!!" Quickstrike yelled out.  
"Oh stop it!! Shut up!!"  
"We cannot hear!! Stop saying the word! You said it again!!"  
"Umm, Inferno, lets go."  
"Wait!!" Quickstrike called out. "I said it!! I said it!!"  
King Megatron, Sir Tarantulas, Inferno, and Sir Terrorsaur and his minstrels rode off.  
"AHH I said it again!! And there again!! That's three times!!!!"  
As the Knights of the Square Table rode off, they could hear the Knights of Ni dying in the background.  
  
"My singer is annoying," Terrorsaur whined.  
"I was a shrubber?!" Depth Charge asked.  
"Yeah," Featherdust said.  
"Is shrubber a real word?"  
"It's a Monty Python fic, Fish boy. Figure it out," Rattrap said.  
Cougar just smiled, and continued writing.  
  
As King Megatron, Sir Tarantulas, Sir Terrorsaur, and their men walked to find the enchanter that the old Rhino spoke of in scene 24. On they way, they met up with Sir Rattrap, and Sir Dinobot. There was much rejoicing.  
Everyone aims their weapons at each other.  
I said...REJOICING!  
"Yay..." they said in a monotone voice, waving little hand flags.  
That'll do.  
Okay, as they made their journey, it became winter. Due to the shortage of food, they were forced to eat Sir Terrorsaur's minstrels. There was much rejoicing.  
"Yay..." they all said in monotone.  
"YEAH! ALL RIGHT!" Sir Terrorsaur cheered, dancing around until Sir Dinobot hit him on the head with his shield.  
Winter turned to summer. Summer turned to spring. Spring became winter. And we skipped spring and summer and went straight into fall.  
"Dat makes no sense," Sir Rattrap said.  
Shut up!  
  
Meanwhile...at the crime scene of Rhinox's death...  
Two police officers are talking to Mrs. Optimus, comforting her and figuring out who did it. Another cop is putting Rhinox's body in a body bag.  
"I'm not dead!" Rhinox yelled.  
The cop hit him in the head with a stick.  
"No you are," the cop said.  
  
BOOOM!!  
"AH S***!" Cougar screamed, watching the Beast Warriors pile into her room over her now smashed door.  
"This fic is over!" Rampage said.  
"Oh, Wisher!"  
"Yeah?" he asked, appearing next to them.  
"Bring in Mr. Nice Guy..." Cougar said, getting an evil smile.  
"No problem!"  
There was silence for a second, and then there was a shadow behind them.  
"Oh, guys!" Featherdust said sweetly.  
"What?" Dino2 asked.  
"Look behind you..."  
They turned around to see Mr. Nice Guy, with his arms crossed. They ran out of there, and Mr. Nice Guy stood in the doorway to prevent them from coming back in.  
"Thanks, Wisher," Featherdust said as she got to the keyboard.  
  
The Knights of the Square Table rode on. Eventually, the came across a series of explosions. All of the Knights abruptly stopped.  
"Come on you wimps!! Move forward!!"  
They watched a man on top of a mountain blow himself up and then reappear in front of them.  
"Who are you?" Sir Rattrap asked.  
" I am an enchanter!!" The enchanter said.  
"And do you have a name??" King Megatron asked, rolling his optics.  
"There are some who know me that call me.........Tiger?" The enchanter who happened to be a white tiger answered.  
"You know, I coulda swore your name was Tigertron" Sir Rattrap said.  
"RATTRAP!!!" Featherdust screamed.  
"Yeesh, sorry!" Sir Rattrap said.  
"Hello, Tiger the Enchanter." King Megatron said.  
"Greeting King Megatron!!!"  
"And how on earth could you possibly know my name?" King Megatron asked him sarcastically.  
"I just do! And your quest is to seek the Holy Grail!!"  
"Yes, our quest is to find the Holy Grail!"  
"Yes, yes, it is!!" the Knights said.  
"And, umm, we are looking for it." King Megatron said.  
Tiger just looked at him thoughtfully.  
"So...anything that you could do to help us...would be...helpful."  
Tiger shot some fire out of his walking stick and made a couple of things explode.  
"Ok, ok, I know you are very busy, but maybe you could help us find a-a-a-a-a-, oh slag what was it called??" said Sir Dinobot.  
"A GRAIL???!!!" Tiger screamed in a booming voice.  
"Yes, a grail!! Do you know where we could find one??"  
"Yeah, at Wal-Mart!!" Sir Rattrap yelled out. "And since when does Tigertron scream in booming voices??"  
"SHUT UP RATTRAP!! Mr. Nice Guy is waiting for you!" Featherdust yelled to him.  
"Yes, and I am trying to be a good actor!!" Tigertron told Rattrap.  
"Ha, keep your day job!" Rattrap yelled back at him.  
"*sigh* Anyways, yes, I can help you find the grail!!!"  
"Let's go then and get this scene over with!" King Megatron said.  
"Wait!" Tiger said. "There are perils ahead! If any of you doubt your courage, don't come any further!!"  
"Okay, I'm outta here!" Sir Rattrap said.  
Mr. Nice Guy growled.  
"Wait, I've just had a revalation!!! I'm back in!! let's go!!!"  
"You must know that there is a cave! And this cave is guarded by the most vicious creature!! No man or beast has ever set foot inside this cave! Death is waiting for you with big sharp, pointy teeth!! *starts making weird noises and does hand motions that impersonate teeth* So if you are brave enough, I will take you to the cave."  
"Come on, yessss, lets find this stupid grail already so these authors can stop torturing us!!!"  
So King Megatron and his Knights rode off with Tiger the Enchanter towards the cave.  
  
  
The Beast Warriors were lined outside the door, glaring at us. Mr. Nice Guy was the only block between us and them.  
Wisher ran off a couple minutes ago...wimp...  
"I'm SO glad that not all of them are in this dimension," Featherdust said.  
"Yeah," Cougar replied, and got ready to type.  
  
So, our heroes, (yeah right...), gallop along on their "horses". They stop because the "horses" get "scared".  
"They're frightened," Sir Terrorsaur said.  
"Then we'll leave them here and come back for them! Dismount!" King Megatron said.  
"Dis is ridiculous!" Sir Rattrap said, "dismounting" the horse.  
"I know how you feel, vermin," Sir Dinobot said.  
King Megatron, Tiger the Enchanter, the Knights of the Square Table, and some other new knights, walk up to the rocks and peer over them.  
"There it is! The cave!" Tiger the enchanter stated.  
"Okay, cover me," King Megatron said, about to walk to the cave.  
"With what, a sling shot?" Sir Rattrap asked.  
King Megatron growled at him.  
"Too late!" Tiger the enchanter yelled. "It's here!"  
Nothing appeared for a while, and they looked around.  
"Where is it?" Sir Tarantulas asked.  
Mr. Nice Guy walked past them, and into the cave.  
*crash* "NO! I WILL NOT GO OUT THERE!" *slam* "IT IS TOO HUMILIATING!" *thud*  
"...Wait, da clone hasn't appeared in da fic yet," Sir Rattrap said.  
"Heh, the author probably forgot about him," Sir Tarantulas said.  
"Hehehehehehaa! Oh no I didn't!" Cougar said.  
Mr. Nice Guy came walking out of the cave, and back to where he was watching them.  
"Okay, try again," Cougar told Tiger.  
"Alright...Too late! There it is!" Tiger the enchanter yelled.  
Coming out of the cave, in bunny ears, a huge white bunny suit, painted on whiskers, and a bad temper, was the Transmetal 2 Dinobot.  
Everyone's jaws dropped, and they started laughing. Dino2 stood there, his arms crossed, scowling at them.  
"Dis is too priceless!" Sir Rattrap said. He was laughing so hard, he couldn't stand up.  
"I am going to SLICE YOUR HEAD OFF, COUGAR!" Dino2 yelled.  
"Wait!" Cougar said. "Read your script!"  
Dino2 growled and brought out his script. He read his part, and smiled.  
"Nevermind...but is this outfit necessary?"  
"Yes."  
"Slag..."  
"Okay, now, on with the scene!"  
Once everybody stopped laughing, (except for Sir Rattrap, who was resting his head on his shield,) the scene continued.  
"What, is he behind that...uh...rabbit?" King Megatron asked.  
"It IS the rabbit!" Tiger the enchanter said.  
"YOU MORON! You got us all worked up over a rabbit!"  
"B-but, this is no ordinary rabbit! This is one bad rodent!"  
"You jerk! I wet my skid plate because I was so scared!" Sir Terrorsaur yelled.  
"Thanks," Sir Dinobot said sarcastically. "We REALLY needed to know that."  
"It's in the script."  
"Oh, just forget about it! Wasp! Chop his head off!" King Megatron ordered.  
Wasp, one of the new knights, looked around. "Me?" he asked, pointing to himself.  
"No, the other Wasp...YES YOU!"  
Wasp sighed, and picked up his shield. "Why Wazzzpinator get zlag partz?" He put on his helmet. "Wazzzpinator could play main rolezz. But author Cougar-"  
King Megatron began beating Wasp with a fly swatter until he shut up.  
"Just go get him!" King Megatron said.  
Wasp looked at the "rabbit". The "rabbit" grinned evilly. He gulped and walked out. The second he got close to him, the "rabbit's" claws came out from underneath his costume, and he promptly sliced Wasp into confetti strips.  
"Why univerze hate Wazzzpinator?" Wasp asked himself before he died.  
"HOLY SLAG!" King Megatron said.  
"See?! See?! I warned you!" Tiger said.  
King Megatron stood up and raised his sword in the air. "CHARGE!"  
The band of knights ran out at the "rabbit".  
"I am enjoying this part," Dino2 said.  
The chaos erupted. In the end, all of the extra knights were dead, and the original 4 knights and king remained. Tiger the enchanter laughed at them and walked away.  
"Great! We lost all of the other knights!" Sir Rattrap said.  
"We have to be careful, that...uh...rabbit, is dynamite!" King Megatron said.  
"Why don't we just blast it?!" Sir Tarantulas asked.  
They all looked at each other.  
"Why didn't we think of that before?!" Sir Terrorsaur said.  
They all brought out their guns, but the second they brought them out, they disappeared.  
"HEY!" they all said in unison.  
"Evil author, yessssss," King Megatron said.  
"Okay, now what, oh wonderful King of Cyberton?" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"We have the Holy Hand Grenade," Sir Dinobot said.  
"Yessss! The Holy Hand Grenade! Brother Rampage, bring the Holy Hand Grenade!"  
Rampage, in his monk outfit, turns to them.  
"Get your own Grenade!" he snapped.  
King Megatron brought out his spark box, and squeezed it. After Rampage recovered, he picked up the box. Father Depth Charge followed behind, with Brother Quickstrike swinging those smoky things you see in church. They walk to them, silently.  
"You're supposed to sing," Cougar said.  
"NO!" the trio yelled.  
Mr. Nice Guy growled at them.  
"Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domin-" the trio sang in a REALLY bad tune.  
"STOP! STOP! THAT IS HORRIBLE! STOP THE TORTURE!" Cougar screamed. The trio breathed a sigh of relief. King Megatron opened the box that Rampage was carrying, and took out the Holy Hand Grenade, which is really one of Rattrap's bombs with a cross super glued to the top and painted gold.  
"How does it work?" King Megatron asked, looking it over.  
"Pull out the pin," Sir Tarantulas said.  
"I KNOW! I am just following the script! Father Depth Charge, consult the book of...um...*looks at the script.* "How to work these neat relics"?!"  
"I like the title!" Cougar said.  
"Oh well, just read it."  
Depth Charge rolled his eyes, and opened the book. "Do I have to?"  
Mr. Nice Guy hissed at him.  
"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--" Father Depth Charge said in monotone.  
"Skip it," Brother Rampage said.  
"NO! I wanna hear the foods!" Sir Tarantulas said, his mouth watering. Everyone looked at him. "What?!"  
Father Depth Charge shook his head and continued, in monotone. "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"  
"Gee, WHAT number do we count to?" Sir Rattrap asked sarcastically. Brother Depth Charge just glared at him and threw the book at his head.  
"KNOCK IT OFF!" King Megatron said, and pulled the pin. "One, two, FIVE!"  
"Three!" the knights corrected.  
"THREE!"  
Pretty music plays as he throws the Holy Hand Grenade at Dino2, who was so bored, he began playing Solitare. He looked up just in time to see it coming.  
"...I do not like this part anymore..." he stated before being blown to bits.  
  
The Police Men, who were searching for them, heard the explosion, and began to run in their direction.  
  
"You blew me up?!"  
"Yep!" Cougar said.  
"You are evil..."  
"Thanks!"  
  
Since the killer "rabbit" had been blown into a million jillion pieces, the cave was now safe to enter. So they did. Brother Rampage accompanied them. They walked inside the dark cave and looked on the walls.  
"Hey! Look at dis!!" Sir Rattrap yelled out to everyone.  
"What is it??" King Megatron asked as he looked at the writings Sir Rattrap found on the wall.  
"Well, duh, its writing!!"   
"I meant, what language is it??"  
"Oh, I don't know."  
"Brother Rampage!! Come over here and read this!!"  
"Ahh I see that you have found the writings on the wall!" Brother Rampage said.  
"Yeah! So interpret it for us!!" Sir Rattrap demanded.  
"Under one condition!!!"  
"What's dat?"  
"Let me kill you afterward!!"  
"Rampage, I hate to do this, but...MR. NICE GUY!!!" Featherdust called.  
"OH FINE!! It says: 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'."  
"The WHAT??" King Megatron demanded.  
"The Castle of 'aaaaaagggh'" Brother Rampage answered.  
"Um, what is that??"  
"I think he must have died while writing it! I can still feel his fear!!!!"  
"Oh come on!! If he was dying, he would have just said 'aaaaaagghhh', not carved it!!"  
"Well, perhaps he meant the Castle Camaaaaaaaaaggue." Sir Terrorsaur said.  
"Where the slag did you get that from??" King Megatron asked.  
"I don't know! It was in the script!"  
"Hey, isn't there a Saint Auuuuves?" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"That would be Saint Ives, you stupid vermin" Sir Dinobot said.  
"It was in the slagging script!!!!!"  
Sir Tarantulas then looked at his script.  
"NO!! No way! I am not acting stupid again!!"  
Then there was a hiss and a growl in the background.   
"Oh slag, Mr. Nice Guy. Fine, fine. OOOHHHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOHOOHHHOO"  
"No, no, Sir Tarantulas, its Aaaaaaaaaaggggghh, at the back of the throat. Aaaaaaaaaagggggghhhh." Sir Dinobot said.  
"No you idiots!! OOOOOOHHHHHHOOOHH, as in surprise and an alarm.  
"Oh, you mean ahhhhhhhhhhhh." Sir Dinobot said.  
"YES!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!" Sir Tarantulas screamed in alarm and pointed behind them.  
There was a dramatic chord as they turned around and saw a gruesome, grotesque monster looming in the background. Actually, it was just a cheap cartoon that looked kinda like a bloated chicken with about 200000000000000768454640000 eyes.  
"Man, who drew DAT thing??" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"Sorry," said Featherdust. "But Cougar wouldn't draw it, so I had to!! If you make fun, I'll send Mr. Nice Guy after you as well!!"  
So all the Knights and the king screamed as the monster picked up Brother Rampage and ate him.  
"HEY!! I'm immortal!!! Featherdust....I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"Sorry, you'll have to deal In about 24 hours, you'll pop out." Featherdust said.  
"You are sick!!!" Brother Rampage said as he went down the monster's throat.  
Then the monster started to run after the rest of the Knights, and the Knights started to run away. The stunning special effects showed them as cartoons, running through the caves. They thought they had lost the monster. But no. It came running out from its hiding place and chased them some more. Just as it was about to eat them, the animator had a fatal heart attack and dropped dead. The monster was no more.  
"YAY! Featherdust is dead!!" Sir Rattrap yelled out in rejoice.  
"Actually, I'm still alive. I just had to do a bit of acting myself. And besides, you'd still have to deal with Cougar!!" Featherdust answered.  
"Ah, slag."  
So with the monster gone, and the Knights safe once again, the quest for the grail could continue.  
  
While all of this was going on inside the cave, outside the cave, the policemen had showed up. They were investigating the crime scene where the grenade had gone off. They were getting closer to the criminals...  
  
Depth Charge was hysterical. So was everyone else, but Dino2 and Rampage.  
"I WAS BLOWN UP!" Dino2 yelled.  
"I WAS EATEN!" Rampage yelled.  
"Hey, you'll be back in 24 hours," Rattrap said, putting a hand to his mouth, still giggling.  
"ARGH! FEATHERDUST! I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER!"  
"You ARE!" Featherdust said. "But, I need to pick on you."  
Rampage sighed, and his eyes went wide as Cougar manned, er, wommaned, the keyboard.  
"Slag, they're gonna continue..."  
  
"Dere it is!" Sir Rattrap said. "Da Bridge of Death!"  
"And the old Rhino from scene 24," Sir Dinobot said. "Now what?"  
"Well," King Megatron said as they walked along the trail. "He asks each traveler five questions-"  
"Three questions," Sir Rattrap corrected.  
"-Three questions. If he answers the five-"  
"Three."  
"-Three questions correctly, he may cross."  
"And, if they are wrong?" Sir Dinobot asked.  
"Then they are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Torture, where the Teletubbies live."  
They all shuddered at the thought.  
"Who goes first?" Sir Tarantulas asked.  
"Brave Sir Terrorsaur, you go first!" King Megatron ordered.  
"WHAT?! Um, I've got a better idea! How about Sir Dinobot goes?!" Sir Terrorsaur suggested.  
"Fine, he goes."  
Sir Dinobot nodded, and walked over. King Megatron stopped him.  
"Do NOT try to kill him! Just answer the slagging questions, okay?"  
"Whatever," Sir Dinobot replied.  
"We'll pray for you...that you screw up."  
Sir Dinobot shot him an evil look, and walked over to the old Rhino.  
"Stop!" the old Rhino said, putting his hand up, and Sir Dinobot stopped in front of him. "Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."  
"Yes, yes, just ask the questions!"  
"What...is your name?"  
"Sir Dinobot of Predilot.  
"What...is your quest?"  
"To seek the Holy Grail."  
"What...is your favorite color?"  
"Blue."  
The old Rhino nodded. "Alright, off you go."  
Sir Dinobot nodded, and began crossing the bridge. The other knights looked on.  
"That's easy!" Sir Terrorsaur said, and they all ran to the old Rhino. Sir Terrorsaur made it first.  
"Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."  
"Just ask the questions! I'm not afraid!" Sir Terrorsaur exclaimed.  
"Yeah right..." Sir Rattrap said.  
"What...is your name?" the old Rhino asked.  
"Sir Terrorsaur of Predilot."  
"What...is your quest?"  
"To seek the Holy Grail."  
"What...is the capital of Assyria?"  
"...I DON'T KNOW THAT!"  
With that, Sir Terrorsaur was then hurled into the Gorge of Eternal Torture. The remaining bots swallowed hard, and Sir Rattrap approached the old Rhino.  
"Stop! What...is your name?"  
"Sir Rattrap of Predilot."  
"What...is your quest?"  
"I seek the Holy Cup-You-Can-Buy-at -Wal-Mart."  
"...close enough...What...is your favorite color?"  
"Blue...no! Red!"  
Too late. Sir Rattrap was then thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Torture. King Megatron stepped forward.  
"Stop! What...is your name?"  
"I am Megatron, King of Cybertron."  
"What...is your quest?"  
"I seek the Holy Grail."  
"What...is the air speed velocity of a swallow?"  
"African or European?"  
The old Rhino paused. "I don't know..."  
The old Rhino was then thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Torture, and he screamed "COUGAR! I HATE YOOOOOUUUUU!!!"  
Sir Tarantulas chuckled and turned to King Megatron. "Gee, how DO you know so much about swallows?" he asked sarcastically.  
"When you're a king, you must know these things," King Megatron answered.  
"That, and it was in the script."  
"Shut up!"  
The two bots then proceeded to cross the bridge.  
INTERMISSION! *cue cheesy music and funky colors*  
END INTERMISSION!  
"What was the point of that?" Sir Tarantulas asked.  
"It was in the movie," Cougar explained.  
When the bots reached the other side, Sir Dinobot, Sir Rattrap, and Sir Terrorsaur were waiting.  
"Wait, weren't you two thrown into the gorge?!" King Megatron asked.  
"Yeah, but da author wanted tah keep us," Sir Rattrap explained.  
"The only nice thing she did for us," Sir Terrorsaur commented.  
"Just go and find the Holy Grail!" Cougar yelled.  
The robots then ran off to continue their quest.  
  
"That's the only nice thing you did the entire fic," Rattrap told Cougar.  
Cougar just smiled. "It might still be the only nice thing."  
"My turn!" Featherdust said.  
  
So the Knights continued their quest. As they came to the top of a hill, they saw a dark silhouette looming in the distance.  
"Hey, what is that??" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"I don't know! We'll have to go closer to get a good look." Sir Terrorsaur said.  
As they got closer, they could see that it was a boat. It was in the shape of T2 Megatron.  
"Hey, I look sexy!!!" King Megatron said.  
".........no comment...." The Knights muttered.  
"You guys are just jealous!! And you don't appreciate my good looks!!"  
*Silence*  
"Uh-huh. Anyways, come on, lets go see what is in the boat!"  
They got in the boat and looked around but there was nothing there. Then, the boat started to move. It sailed across a channel and towards an island. There was a castle on the island.  
"Look!! It's the Castle of Aaaaaagggg!!" Sir Tarantulas said.  
"Huh?? Where did you get that from?? I didn't think that was a real castle!!" Sir Dinobot said.  
"Well, it's what my script says, so I guess we'll just have to go along with it."  
"Come on!! Let's get inside there so we can get the grail!! It's supposed to be in there!" King Megatron said.  
The Knights and the king got out of the boat and started towards the castle doors when....  
"You Cybertronians are back?!!" Scorponok yelled from the roof of the castle. "HAHAHA!! I guess we outsmarted you again!!!"  
"Let us in!! We have a quest to seek the Holy Grail and it is inside your castle!" King Megatron yelled to Scorponok.  
"We will never let you in you fobbing elf-skinned maggot-pies!!!!" Scorponok taunted.  
The Knights were taken aback by this vicious insult.  
"If you don't let us in, we will take this castle by force!!"  
"NEVER!!! You are all dankish clay-brained flap-dragons!!"  
"Fine! We are going to break inside!" King Megatron yelled.  
With that, the Knights and King Megatron ran up the stairs to the door of the castle.  
"You will not enter you gleeking fly-bitten harpies!!"  
"King Megatron, these insults are more than I can handle!" Sir Terrorsaur said.  
"Oh, shut up you wimp!" King Megatron told him  
"You pribbling fat-kidneyed canker-blossoms!! You lumpish knotty-pated scuts!! You mewling flap mouthed bugbears!!" The French taunted.  
"AHHHHH!!!" Sir Terrorsaur yelled.  
"Watch out you French pignuts!! We are coming in!" King Megatron yelled.  
With that, the French started to pour liquefied human fecal matter on top of them, along with various species of animals. The whole time they were doing this, they yelled insults and laughed at them.   
"Come on!!" King Megatron said. "RETREAT!!!"  
"HAHAHAHAHA!!! You frothy fly-bitten clotpoles are WIMPS!!! SCAREDY CATS!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!" Scoroponok and his French comrades cried out at them as they ran away.  
They ran across the channel this time, not even bothering to get on the boat.  
"We are going back there and attacking them with force and courage and power they have never seen before!!" King Megatron said.  
"Yes, well that's very inspiring." Sir Rattrap said sarcastically. "But they just slaughtered us back there. How are we supposed to defeat them??"  
"Hmm, good question, yessssssss."  
Just then, a huge army just appeared over the ridge of a nearby hill.  
"Ok, I guess that is how we are going to defeat them." Sir Dinobot said.  
The army approached the Knights of the Square Table.  
"ATTENTION!!" King Megatron yelled. "The blood of many a valiant knight will be shed today. But we will not give up until every one of those French pignuts lies dead!!! CHARGE!!!!!!"  
The army started to charge towards the French castle of Aaaaaaaagggggg.  
Suddenly, there were sirens and police cars drove up and cut off the charging army. Everyone stopped , dumbfounded. Rhinox's wife, Mrs. Primal stepped out of the police car and pointed at the Knights of the Square Table.  
"It's them! They're the ones we're looking for!!" she exclaimed.  
"All right! Everyone calm down. You five!! Drop all your weapons, put your hands on your head and step over to the police car!!! NOW!!" A policeman shouted at the Knights.  
"Oh come on! We didn't do anything!! We're innocent!!" Sir Rattrap protested.  
"Yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry, you'll fit right in at prison!!" the policeman said.  
"FEATHERDUST????" Sir Dinobot said.  
"Sorry guys. But you get arrested in the movie. So the police have my permission to put you in prison!"  
"FEATHERDUST!!!! WE HATE YOU!!!!!" The Knights said simultaneously as they were forced into the police cars and driven away to prison.  
And so ends our story of the Knights and King Megatron and their quest for the Holy Grail...or so we thought.  
  
"We were ARRESTED?!" Terrorsaur asked.  
"So, we NEVA find da Holy Cup-from-Wal-Mart?!" Rattrap asked.  
"In the MOVIE you don't," Featherdust said.  
"But, since this is a fic, we get to continue!" Cougar said, beginning to type.  
"Oh, by the way, we have someone VERY special that is going to tell us what happened to you guys.  
  
On a stage, in front of the audience, a young man wearing 80's clothing came walking onto the stage.  
"How's it goin', audience dudes?!" Ted asked the crowd, who cheered. "Okay, dudes! King Megatron, and his Knights of the Square Table, are in a most unfortunate situation. They were arrested and put into jail by the Cybertronian police for the murder of Rhinox, the historian dude. Now, they must figure their way out if they want to get the Holy Gravy!"  
The crowd cheered, and Ted smiled. He walked to the telephone booth behind him. "Catch yah later, audience dudes!"  
He dialed a number and booth was gone.  
(For all you brain deads, that was Ted fron Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.)  
Meanwhile, in Prison...  
The Knights were being kept in really damp, smelly cells. There was one more person in there with them, but, Sir Dinobot got very bored...  
*thwack*  
"MEOWR!"  
*thwack*  
"MEOWR! Ultra bad..."  
"Can I hit him next?" Sir Rattrap asked Sir Dinobot. Sir Dinobot whacked Cheetor into the wall one more time, and he handed him to Sir Rattrap, who proceeded to hit him against the wall as well.  
"Are we going to spend the rest of the fic here?!" Sir Tarantulas asked.  
Cougar came walking into the Prison area, with Mr. Nice Guy behind her. She stood right in front of their cell, and smiled.  
"If you want to, but then the fic would never end, because you'd never find the Holy Grail," she said.  
"How do we get out?" King Megatron asked.  
"Simple! Use this toothpick," Cougar said, bringing out a little wooden toothpick. "And this troll." She held out one of those little troll dolls with the funky hair. "Figure it out."  
"..."  
"Okay, sorry." She threw the toothpick away, and put the troll in her pocket. "You just have to do what I tell you to get out."  
"I'm afraid to ask...like what?" Sir Terrorsaur asked.  
Cougar thought to herself, and smiled. "I'll give you a choice...you could either: Find another shrubbery for the Knights of Yah Pardner, watch a whole episode of Barney, or..." She smiled evilly, and looked at Sir Dinobot. "Get him to kiss me."  
They all looked at each other, and King Megatron shoved Sir Dinobot to the bars where Cougar was standing.  
"Wouldn't this look strange?" King Megatron asked.  
"Yeah, I took that into account."  
Sir Dinobot immediately became human. Before he could react, Cougar grabbed his shirt and kissed him. He struggled for a moment, and then relaxed. After a little bit, he broke away from her. He turned back into a robot. Cougar smiled.  
"Thanks! You guys can go!"  
Cougar snapped her fingers, and Mr. Nice Guy ripped the bars from the concrete flooring. Sir Dinobot went running out of the Prison, but the other bots just walked out.  
"That was odd," Sir Tarantulas said.  
"I think she planned that," Sir Terrorsaur said.  
"No, REALLY?!"  
"Heheheh, Dinobutt's face is red!" Sir Rattrap said.  
Sir Dinobot tried to hide his face from the rest of them. "Shut up."  
"Is the traitor embarrassed from what Cougar did?" King Megatron mocked.  
"Shut. Up." Sir Dinobot said through gritted teeth.  
"Come on, don't hide your feelings for her..." Sir Terrorsaur teased.  
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!" Sir Dinobot yelled.  
The group remained quiet for a minute.  
"Well, *ahem* off to the castle!" King Megatron ordered.  
  
"Hehahahhaaa! Look! His face is red!" Tarantulas said.  
Dinobot's face was red, and he was glaring daggers at Tarantulas.  
"Well, I liked that romantic part!" Cougar said, finishing her part. She then immediately ran and tackle hugged Dinobot. He tried to pry her off his neck, but it was futile.  
Rampage looked at them, and then to Featherdust. "You're not going to do that to me, are you?" he asked worriedly.  
"No, not until I'm done typing," Featherdust said.  
  
So the Knights headed back to the Castle of Aaaaaggggggggg. The army was gone and there were no police cars to be seen. They had just stepped onto the island when the French started taunting them again.  
"So you loggerheaded milk-livered foot-lickers are back again???" Scorponok said.  
"Yeah, we're back and we won't give up!!!" King Megatron told them.  
"Yeah right you puking onion-eyed coxcombs!!!"   
The Knights charged up the stairs and into the door as hard and fast as they could. The door didn't budge.  
"OWW OWWW OWWWOWWWWW!!!!" The Knights cried out.   
Suddenly, their guns reappeared.  
"Hey, where did these come from??" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"Well, I thought I'd cut you guys a little slack." Featherdust said. "I mean, you can't even knock down the rotting wooden door. This fic would never end because you can't even get inside the castle!!"  
So the Knights picked up their guns and blasted the door to bits. They walked through the door and went into a narrow hallway where they were greeted by the French. The bots immediately blasted them all.   
"HAHAHA!! Look who's laughin' now!!" Sir Rattrap said.   
But they couldn't rejoice yet. More French soldiers came through another doorway into the hallway. The Knights also blasted them away.  
"Dis is too easy!!!" Sir Rattrap exclaimed.  
"Yeah, we're gonna have to thank Featherdust for these weapons!!" Sir Dinobot said.  
They spoke to soon.  
Instantly, millions upon millions of other French soldiers jumped down from the rafters.  
"Featherdust..."  
"Hey guys! How's going?" Featherdust said to them  
"Umm whats with all these guys?? How can they fit in this hallway? WHAT THE SLAG ARE YOU DOING TO US???" Sir Rattrap asked.  
"Oh them. Well I used Megatron's cloning machine to make millions and millions of French soldiers. I mean, ever since I gave you those weapons, you've been blasting everything to pieces. I figured that victory would be way to easy for you if you just had to fight the few French guys that resided in this castle. So while you were blasting the door and the original French guys, I made a few million more for you. Teaches you not to get to cocky, doesn't it?? And I'm not sure how they can all fit in that hallway. I'd sure be claustrophobic if I was you! Well, good luck!"  
"AHHHHHHHH!!!" Sir Rattrap screamed. "I HATE YOU FEATHERDUST!!!!!!!" He then took his gun and pointed it to where Featherdust's voice had come from and he started to shoot it.  
"Sorry, hun, but that's not going to kill me! And I wouldn't waste bullets shooting the air, because there is a few hundred thousand soldiers coming at you. Have fun!!"  
"AHHH, SLAG!!!" Sir Rattrap screamed as he shot at the soldiers.  
Note to self: DESTROY THE CLONING MACHINE!!!, Megatron thought as he blew away soldiers.  
Finally after 12 hours, all the soldiers had been blasted. The Knights had to swim through the fallen soldiers to reach the door at the end of the hallway.   
"Finally! We can get the slaggin' Holy Grail so we can get out of this slaggin' fic!!" Sir Dinobot said.  
They opened the door at the end of the hallway and they found a sign with an arrow on it. The sign said "Follow the arrows and you will find the Holy Grail."  
4326 arrows later, they came to a door that said "Holy Grail resides in the next room."  
"FINALLY!!!!!!!! Open the slaggin' door so we can get out of this nightmare!!!" Sir Tarantulas said.  
King Megatron grabbed the door handle, and...*cue drum roll*...and pulled. The door didn't budge.  
"Slaggin' door is locked.  
"*Ahem*." Featherdust said. "You guys do have guns!!! Remember??"  
"........"  
"Uh-huh, that's what I thought." Featherdust said.  
The Knights then proceeded to blast down the door. This was a thick door and took about 10 minutes of heavy fire before the door fell.  
"I'm exhausted!!!" Sir Terrosaur cried out.  
"Umm, you guys." Featherdust said. "Do you know how to read??"  
"YES!!" they screamed at her.  
"I was just wondering because in big neon letters, it said "push"."  
The Knights glared at her.  
"Just thought you'd like to know! Now go get the grail!!"  
The dust was very thick. As it cleared, they could see little yellow smiley faces. When the dust finally settled, they could see a big sign that said "Welcome to Wal-Mart! Holy Grails are found in Aisle 6!"  
Sir Rattrap burst out laughing. "I TOLD YOU!!!! I TOLD YOU!!! I KNEW YOU COULD FIND THEM AT WAL-MART!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"   
"Shut up vermin!!! Do you realize all we've been through?? Just to be led to a slaggin' Wal-mart?????" Sir Dinobot fumed.  
"Hey, you should've listened to me!"  
"We got tortured for 34 pages of this fic and this is where we were lead?? Rodent, if you are going to be cocky, then I'm going to blow your head off!!!"  
"Blow my head off?? I just commented on the fact that you could buy these things at Wal-Mart!!! I didn't know that these evil authors were actually going to take us to one!! Blow their heads off!!!!"  
"Hey, guys!!" Featherdust called. "You shouldn't blow my head off now!! Just a few aisles away the Holy Grail lies!! And besides, I have Mr. Nice Guy on my side! And don't even think about calling me bad names behind my back either you quailing, dizzy-eyed hedge-pigs!!"  
"AHHHH! Where are all these awful insults coming from????" Sir Terrorsaur asked.  
"You can thank Billy Wigglestick for the insults."  
"......WHO???" Sir Dinobot asked.  
"William Shakespeare!"  
"I don't even wanna know how you got Billy Wigglestick out of that.  
"Well, actually, it's quite simple! You just-"  
" ANYWAYS!!" Sir Tarantulas cut her off. Who is going to pay for this thing?? I bet they're expensive." .  
"I think King Megatron should!! He is the richest." Sir Dinobot said.   
Everyone agreed.  
"Ok, ok, I'll pay for it! Lets just go get it."  
They went to Aisle 6 where the Holy Grails were. They picked one up and looked at the price tag. $97,000,000,000 had been crossed out and below it, $0.97 had been written.  
"97 cents?? All dis for a 97 cent cup????" Sir Rattrap screamed. "I hate my life..."  
"Well," Featherdust said. "You know those cute little yellow smiley faces? They're always cutting back prices!! Sometimes they slash prices with swords , or sometimes they use whips and sometimes-"  
"SHUT UP!!!!" The Knights said.  
"Uh-huh. I know what you need!! I think you guys need some smiley face stickers to make you feel better!!!!" Featherdust immediately produced hundreds of smiley face stickers and stuck them all over the Knights and King Megatron.   
"If you take them off, I'll send Mr. Nice Guy after you!!!" Featherdust said sweetly. "Trust me, they'll make you feel all warm and cuddly inside!!"  
The bots all glared at her but didn't take the stickers off.  
They took the Holy Grail up to the cash register. Airazor was the cashier.  
"Welcome to Wal-Mart! Did you find everything you were looking for today??" she said.  
The robots were still glaring as they handed her the Holy Grail.  
"Oh I see you're into the latest trend, Holy Grails!! These have really been disappearing off the shelves lately! We have advertised everywhere for these things!! Everyone wants one!!" she said cheerfully.  
"Just ring up the grail so we can leave this godforsaken place!!"  
"Are we just a little cranky today?? And you've already been stickered!! You look mighty cute and cuddly with those stickers on!! But you must be really grumpy! Maybe you need a nap with our sweet, cuddly, teletubbie blankies!!!"  
"Do you have a death wish??" Sir Tarantulas asked her.  
"JUST RING UP THE SLAGGIN' GRAIL!!!" King Megatron screamed at her.  
"You know, you really shouldn't harass the cashiers here at Wal-Mart, we could torture you in many ways!! Not to mention, I could charge you the full $97,000,000,000 for the grail."  
"ARG!!! Are you done ringing it up yet? We are in a hurry." Sir Terrorsaur said.  
"That will be $1198 please."  
"Wait, I though it was 97 cents!!" King Megaton cried out.   
"Well, there is sales tax-"  
"There is that much tax on something like this???????"  
"Well, we had to charge you for all the dead soldiers, for all those stickers, and for harassing me!"  
"But, but-"  
"Please pay!!!"  
King Megatron gave in and paid her.  
"Would you like a bag for that?"  
"NO!!!!"  
"Ok, have a nice day!!"  
All the Knights scowled at her and left the store.  
  
"We could've went to da Wal-Mart in Vestal for dat!!" Rattrap complained.  
"You WERE right about it, though," Depth Charge said.  
"But, dat doesn't make sense!"  
"This whole fic doesn't make sense, Rattrap," Cougar explained.  
"It was never meant to, and it never will," Featherdust said.  
"Time to type!" Cougar said.  
  
Our heroes galloped to the spot where they were told to go seek the Holy Grail by Transmetal Optimus Primal. The ugly one appeared in the clouds again.  
King Megatron held up the Holy Grail. "Here it is! NOW can we leave this fic?!"  
Primal reached down and picked up the Holy Grail. He looked it over, and smiled.  
"Thank you! I was looking for this!" he said. He then took a bottle of Coke, poured himself a glass, and drank from it.  
"Um, are you supposed to use it for that?" Sir Terrorsaur asked.  
Primal shrugged. "I don't know, but I was thirsty." He looked around, and sighed. "Slag. I need a straw..." He looks down at the Knights. "Could you-"  
"NOOO!" they all screamed, and they ran off, leaving Inferno behind.  
"Can you get a straw for me?" Primal asked him.  
"BUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRNNN MICHAEL JACKSON CLONE, BUUUUURRRRNNN!" Inferno cocked his flamethrower, and fired. The cardboard clouds erupted in flames, and so did Primal.  
"INFERNO!" Cougar and Featherdust screamed, running to him.  
"What?" he asked.  
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID! IT TOOK US FOREVER TO PAINT THOSE CLOUDS!" Featherdust said.  
"But, you DID burn that ugly monkey to a crisp, so, we'll let you go this time," Cougar said.  
"Thank you!" he said.  
"Oh, if you want to catch Megs, he went that way," Featherdust said, pointing to her left. "Tell him they're all free to leave the fic!"  
Inferno immediately ran off, still clapping the coconut halves together.  
Cougar, Featherdust, and the just arriving Mr. Nice Guy look at the ashes that was once the clouds, and Primal.  
"Well, now what do we do with them?" Featherdust asked.  
Mr. Nice Guy got out a broom, and swept the remains under a rug.  
Cougar nodded. "Good enough." She reaches into her pocket, and pulls out ten dollars. "Hey, we've still got ten dollars of our allowance left from this fic. Wanna go get some McDonalds?"  
"Okay!"  
The trio then walk to the nearest McDonalds, and plot their next fic...  
  
THE END...For now... ^-^ 


End file.
